In a time when most people support basic measures of gender equality, including equal pay for equal work and laws that protect rape victims, marriage is still one area where traditional gender roles rule. Numerous surveys have found that women do significantly more than their fair share of household labor and childcare, even when they work full-time.
Books like the Mars and Venus series tell us that we should accept differences between men and women and treat them as natural. But all too often, these books are really asking that we accept unacceptable behavior and treat it as normal.
Several studies have found a strong correlation between gender equality and a happy marriage, and improving the balance of power in your relationship very well may improve your overall satisfaction.
Division of Chores
Chores are a common area of conflict between men and women. Most women are socialized to invest in the cleanliness and appearance of their home, and many men are raised in families where the woman does most of the chores.
These dynamics play out in their marriage. But doing the majority of the chores interferes with a woman’s ability to pursue other interests and can encourage a man to think of his wife as a free laborer. Even worse, many men often do not realize that the division of labor is unequal, which can cause resentment in wives who feel unappreciated.
A survey of 2,000 married couples found that equal division of labor was the third best predictor of marital satisfaction. Couples who did chores together experienced less frustration around household work and were happier in their relationships.
Sexual Equality
Many couples think that if they’re having sex regularly, they have a happy sex life. But sexual satisfaction goes much further than this.
As many as 70 percent of women cannot climax without direct clitoral stimulation, and this poses a problem for their sexual satisfaction. When sex centers around intercourse, it creates a gender imbalance in sexual pleasure and can lead to decreased libido in women and sexual frustration in men.
Men can increase sexual equality by focusing on foreplay and ensuring their wives climax, while women can increase their own satisfaction by vocally expressing their desires. Sexual satisfaction — and the gender balance that often contributes to it — is a significant predictor of marital success.
The Kids
Kids often throw a wrench into an otherwise equal relationship. Women tend to grow up caring for children and expecting to be mothers, while men’s first experience with infants may come with their own babies.
Consequently, women often take over the majority of child-care tasks. This creates an unfair burden of work for women, but it also harms men: men who don’t help with the mundane tasks of childrearing are not as close to their children.
This imbalance can also create strong divisions in a marriage, and the exhaustion women feel due to childrearing tasks can interfere with sex and time as a couple. When men and women are equal partners, however, both the marriage and the children benefit.
Work
A variety of divisions of career labor can work, and there’s nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home parent. But when one parent stays home and the other works all day, this can create distance and unnecessary stress. Couples who opt to have one member work while the other stays home should focus on valuing one another’s contributions.
Men, for example, should take note that being a stay-at-home mother is work. They can also work to support their partners in developing interests and hobbies outside of the home, particularly by taking over their fair share of household labor.
Women who stay home with children should help men to foster strong relationships with their children and should encourage their partner to spend meaningful time playing with and tending to the kids, while also honoring his need for maintaining his own friendships and hobbies. Balancing all of these needs is never easy, but the rewards of a mutually satisfying relationship are well worth the effort.
References:
Crittenden, A. (2001). The price of motherhood: Why the most important job in the world is still the least valued. New York, NY: Metropolitan Books.
Eichler, M. (1997). Family shifts: Families, policies, and gender equality. Toronto: Oxford University Press.
The secret of a happy marriage? Share the housework. (n.d.). Mail Online. Retrieved from
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-465549/The-secret-happy-marriage...
Edited by Jody Smith