You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Happy wife, happy life.” While many women chuckle at this and men roll their eyes, it is very true — particularly when it comes to happy moms. No one wants a grumpy mommy, right? When mom’s happy, everyone else is too.
Moms have been taught that they should be happiest when their day-to-day accomplishments and exhaustion comes from doing all sorts of things with their kids. That these things are a badge of honor and moms should be proud of themselves.
But when mom’s stressed out and exhausted, it’s pretty safe to say the kids are too, and mom has very little left to offer her kids.
Gradually, moms are starting to learn that they can’t do all these things without taking care of themselves first — making sure we eat right, get enough sleep, etc. In the back of our minds, we moms know we need to take care of ourselves, but so often we don’t, thinking that taking care of our kids is so much more important. That we don’t really matter when our kids need so much from us.
But moms who make themselves a priority and take care of themselves demonstrate several things to their children — that mom is important and that taking care of yourself is important.
You’re showing them that you respect yourself and, hopefully, in turn, because of your example, they will reflect that respect back to you and apply the same respect to themselves.
Monkey See, Monkey Do: Children Learn Attitudes by Observing You
This is all about setting an example for our children. Children learn far more by observing than they ever do by mom's cajoling and yelling and explaining. Too frequently, they pick up on the bad things that we do — the comments we make when another driver cuts us off on the freeway, us muttering in annoyance and resentment as we toss another load of laundry in the washer or at having to pay the electric bill.
Your attitudes as a mom, those that you don’t necessarily think your children are paying attention to, are the ones that really shape your children’s attitudes towards you, themselves and others. These attitudes shape how they handle caring for their own homes, jobs and families.
And I’m not even talking about keeping your house spotless. Even if your house isn’t spotless, kids learn about the work ethic needed to maintain a house and learn to accept it as a normal part of life and not resent these circumstances from getting in the way of their play time.
Moms Need to Make Taking Care of Mom a Priority
Many of us have seen the airline safety demonstration when the flight attendant instructs us to put the oxygen mask on us first and then our children. Most parents, including myself, probably stare at the flight attendant dumbfounded.
Why would we be instructed to do that? Isn’t it important to make sure our children are cared for first? That’s our job, right?
And, yet, here’s someone telling us that, in an emergency scenario, we need to save ourselves first — not our kids. The reason for this instruction is that if we don’t take care of ourselves first, we won’t be able to care for our children.
So it is with life’s lessons. We moms can’t afford to continue to put ourselves last. Society, certain family members, and even we ourselves can put a guilt trip on us for even thinking about putting anything but our children first.
Remember, kids learn by watching. They’re watching you even when you least expect it. Even the seemingly littlest thing can have a big impact.
When your kids see and smell what you’re like after a shower, or see the clothes you select, or how you work to prepare a meal, or tidy up the kitchen or regularly work away at Mount Washmore, they learn that these things are normal.
They learn that you respect yourself and learn to apply that same respect to themselves, and in their interactions with, and opinions of, you.
It seems simple, but it’s often one of the hardest things for moms to do. It is also one of those things that can have the biggest impact on a household. When mom feels happy and feels good about herself, other family members will pick up on this and then everyone feels happy and good about themselves.
A happy, confident, prioritized mom can make a world of difference in her children’s attitudes about her, about themselves, and about others.
If you currently don’t rank anywhere on your priority list, it’s time to set your priorities straight.
Sources:
1) Are you last on your priority list? Why self-care helps you create a great family and work life. Ezurike-Bosse, Uchechi. TogetherMoms.ca. Web. Nov 4, 2013.
http://togethermoms.ca/are-you-last-on-your-priority-list-why-self-care-helps-you-create-a-great-family-and-work-life
2) Home Influence on Attitudes and Perceptions. Barbour, C. Education.com. Web. Nov 4, 2013.
http://www.education.com/reference/article/home-influence-attitudes-perceptions
3) Raising Confident Girls – 6 Strategies: Teleclass Re-cap. Mommybites.com. Web. Nov 4, 2013.
http://mommybites.com/boston/2013/06/17/raising-confident-girls-6-strategies-teleclass-re-cap
Reviewed November 4, 2013
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith