With so many marriages in this country ending in divorce, family law attorney, Angie Hallier decided it was time for couples facing divorce to get wiser.
Her recently released book, entitled "The Wiser Divorce," focuses on “realistic strategies and positive solutions that can heal a broken family, help you uncover hidden talents and interests, and grow as an individual.”
In a recent interview with me Hallier, an Arizona-based partner at Hallier and Lawrence PLC said, “When people come into her office after learning that they are going to be divorced it is emotional whether they are the ones that wanted it or not.”
So why so many divorces?
The Arizona based partner at Hallier and Lawrence, PLC, said that there is no number one cause. Sometimes it is just that “two people that were really right to go through life together are not anymore.”
Hallier said that every case is unique and has its own set of issues. Her role is to help people come up with a plan, to help them feel more confident, as well as educate them about the process.
That education also lends itself to empowerment with a new understanding of the law and a new perspective when looking at the facts. The facts will then help them understand what is both realistic and unrealistic.
She helps them understand that divorce has many complicated business aspects and here she offers some advice to those going through a divorce. “Set emotions aside from the legal process of ending of marriage.”
Hallier said, “The significant predictors of how long divorce will take, depends on the ability of the parties to deal with it as a business transaction.”
Although many going through a divorce initially seem shocked, once they’ve gone through her wiser divorce strategies they may soon realize that “they were not really getting what they want out of life from their marriage either,” she said.
Those wiser strategies as featured in her book can significantly impact what she calls “your next best life” after divorce. She explained that these costly mistakes are taking a toll on finances and an emotional investment.
Hallier made the analogy of envisioning everything that has to do with divorce as a house. She warned against getting stuck in what she calls “the room of divorce.”
The purpose of the walls is to separate the different aspects of divorce. For example, there should be a separate room for emotions, family supports, potentially a therapist and an attorney room as well, where you can proactively look at assets and debt.
One of Hallier’s main reminders in her book is that MISTAKES ARE COSTLY! She says it is important to be “strategic in words actions and thoughts.” That includes“moving from a winner/loser mentality and to not be so focused on seeking revenge!”
Hallier said that how you talk about your divorce can affect the outcome. She strongly suggested “using a script” when speaking about your divorce.
She cautioned against telling too many people about your divorce, and advised being careful about who you tell. This should not be a time to, as she puts it, “round up the troops, gather wagons and take sides.”
Those words and actions Hallier said not only affect you, but your children. “Parents going through a divorce should not say anything bad about the other parent to their kids. They should not use them to send communication.”
Hallier emphasized the importance of keeping the continuity in your children’s life, such as, “who takes them to and from school, doctor’s appointments, etc.” She encourages the goal of “wanting your children, to also have their next best life after the divorce.”
Her book goes into detail about how to put your children first during your divorce.
Her website provides worksheets for your children’s life http://angiehallier.com/
Hallier emphasized the importance of a “collaborative divorce,” where both sides cooperate and avoid trial. In the end if you drag it out, she warned, only the attorneys win as they bill by the hour.
She suggested thinking of your divorce as an athletic event. “Successful athletes do not just wake up and are great. They train, plan and coach. What will it take to be successful, how do you mentally prepare as well as who are you going to surround yourself with during your divorce?”
The most important question you can ask yourself, Hallier said is, “What is your positive vision for your next best life after divorce?”
Sources:
Angie Hallier Interview. October 22, 2014.
The Wiser Divorce, 2014
Joanne Sgro-Killworth is a Television Fitness Expert, Certified Personal Trainer and Sport Nutritionist and Publicist. She is Certified in Pilates, Pre-natal/Post-Partum, Yoga and Senior Fitness. She specializes in Weight Loss, Post-Rehab and Post Cancer Training.
Joanne's fitness plans, recipes and lifestyle advice are available globally on her website http://www.happiwoman.com/ She resides in the Phoenix, AZ area with her husband and son, where she runs her fitness and publicity business, JSK PR, http://www.jskpr.com/
Reviewed November 4, 2014
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith