It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Family, food and gift giving make for a very merry couple of months, but the festivities can strain us physically and emotionally.
Empower yourself against the holiday blues with proactive coping strategies for the following big seasonal stressors.
1) Unrealistic Expectations
In our imaginations, lights twinkle as snowflakes fall outside the windows while we engage in jovial conversations by a roaring fire. We expect the romance of "Miracle on 34th Street" and neighborliness of "It’s a Wonderful Life."
Then three dinner guests call to cancel at the last minute, and while you're on the phone with them, the dog drags the turkey off the counter.
Unrealistic expectations guarantee disappointment. It’s best to take a pragmatic view of the holidays: it’s a nice time to reunite with friends and family, usually involving extensive preparations, a lot of personalities, stress and fatigue.
2) Family Discord
Speaking of unrealistic expectations, accept the imperfections in your family.
Your brother-in-law drinks too much and starts telling off-color jokes. Your mother asks why you aren’t pregnant yet. Your father-in-law mentions the money you owe him.
Remind yourself throughout the day, “I cannot control other people’s behavior, only my reaction to it.” We can better control our reactions to negativity if we have an arsenal of de-escalation phrases. Practice these, or better yet, keep them on a post-it under your napkin:
- “Tell me more.”
- “I hear you.”
- “It sounds like that’s important to you. Why don’t we talk tomorrow in private?”
- “I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.”
- “Why do you ask?”
If year after year, you find the same person at your table making you miserable, step back and reevaluate the situation. If we repeatedly put ourselves in the presence of a notoriously abusive person, the onus is on us to make a healthier choice.
Read EmpowHER's article Stressful Relationships Could Eventually Kill You, Study Says about how such relationships can affect you. It may be worth your health and peace of mind to start a new tradition.
3) Carbs, Sugar and Alcohol
Mashed potatoes, sweet potato pie, a table heaped with desserts, another glass of wine — we give ourselves permission for a little extra at the holidays. What’s the harm? But sugar and carbs cause a spike our blood sugar that is followed by a crash.
Then we add alcohol, a depressant, and it brings us a notch or two lower. We pay the price for a day of seemingly innocuous overindulgence via low mood, discomfort and regret.
Before a holiday gathering, eat a piece of fruit, a small salad or some peanut butter on a piece of whole grain bread. Drink lots of water. This pre-game strategy will prevent your stomach from dictating your choices the rest of the day.
At the main meal, focus on the protein and vegetables. Fill half your dinner plate with greens and non-starchy veggies, a quarter with protein, and the last quarter with samples of the more high potency, sugary and starchy splurges like mashed potatoes, dressing and cranberries.
While friends and relations are lining up for a second piece of pie, ask if anyone would like to join you for a walk around the block. The fresh air, sunshine and change of scenery and will serve to energize and take the focus off the food, helping you avoid the extra sugar and calories.
4) Grief
Nostalgia is almost a mandatory emotion this time of year. Unpacking decorations, we find ornaments that remind us of childhood, of people and places that exist now only in memory. If someone you love has recently died, the holidays magnify that loss.
Invite friends and relatives who also loved the person you are missing to share their stories. Put a photo of your loved one in a prominent place. Make one of his or her favorite recipes. Write a gratitude list of happy memories you shared together.
By incorporating fond memories into the day and inviting others to do the same, your loved one, and your loss, will be acknowledged, easing the pain just a bit.
5) Loneliness
Some people get so busy with preparations, they don’t realize they have friends and acquaintances with no place to go. If you need an invitation to dinner, just ask.
Almost everyone can find an extra place at the table, and ’tis the season for cooking too much. You can make yourself especially welcome by asking the hostess if there is anything you can bring.
If you are uncomfortable fishing for an invitation, plan to make dinner yourself and send an open invitation to your friends on social media. You might be pleasantly surprised who takes you up on it.
Finally, consider volunteering. Reach out to a local shelter or soup kitchen. The website www.volunteermatch.org can match your talents with the needs of others in your area.
If your loneliness turns into feelings of depression, hopelessness or suicidal thoughts, contact your doctor immediately.
Sources:
Beating Depression During the Holidays. Retrieved November 26, 2014. WebMd.com.
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/stories/december_beating_depression_during_the_holidays.html
Alcohol and Depression. Retrieved November 26. 2014. WebMd.com.
http://www.webmd.com/depression/alcohol-and-depresssion
Stress, Depression and the Holidays: Tips for Coping. mayoclinic.com. Retrieved November 28, 2014.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20047544
Reviewed December 1, 2014
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith