Weddings are a special time for a couple who want to declare their love publicly, make it all legal, and then share this special day with family and friends.
Most of us have been to fabulously stylish weddings, but we’ve often gone to some that weren’t quite so. Maybe the fun got a bit too risque, maybe the bride turned bridezilla, or the groom was too hungover from his bachelor party the night before.
There are lots of mistakes and poor choices a bride and groom can make. Here are five to avoid:
1 ) Facebooking and Tweeting during the Ceremony
Yes, really, this is a thing! We live in a world where many feel the need to announce what they are having for breakfast (as they are eating it) and taking pictures of it for all to see. Even the most intimate moments seem to be spread all over social media as it happens.
But doing this during a ceremony can definitely be considered tacky. Many people have a religious ceremony, making tweeting or live blogging even more disrespectful — not only to the officiant, but to the spirit of the moment.
If friends and family cannot attend, they will be perfectly fine with seeing pictures the next day — as in the days before social media. Wedding are a once-off (we hope) moment between husband and wife, and those they have chosen to attend.
If loved ones cannot attend, the couple can have a friend set up a live feed so they can watch from home. But the bride and groom need to put their phones away before heading up the aisle.
2) Keep the Sexy for the Bridal Suite
Wedding gowns that show too much thigh or most of your breasts aren’t a good idea. While we all want to look our best and feel sexy as brides, we also want to keep it classy.
Remember that these photos will be in your home for life. Any future children will see them, and you’ll want to be proud of how you look on what should be one of the best days of your life.
The whole garter removal tradition is fine if that’s your thing but don’t make it a strip show and nobody wants to see your underwear.
Grooms shouldn’t be too touchy feely of their new wife’s body on the big day. It makes others uncomfortable and the photos might be unflattering and end up all over social media.
3) Don’t Have a Cash Bar
This is one that may cause a disagreement for some readers. Some countries still maintain a cash bar. Irish and British weddings still often do, although some people are shifting over to an open bar.
According to the wedding website The Knot, “while it is often necessary to find ways to cut costs, a cash bar is never a good choice. When you have a wedding, you're inviting people to a party, and they shouldn't have to pay for anything while they're there. Yes, it's true that when you have a bash in your apartment and invite all your pals, you say 'BYOB,' but it's not quite the same at a formal event.”
If your budget is limited, close the bar during dinner and have two bottles of wine per table. Limit the choice of alcohol to beer or wine, or ask the bartender to use lower shelf liquor. Nobody really notices the difference when the drinks are mixed with juice or soda.
Pick a venue where you can bring your own alcohol. That will be much cheaper than using what a bar will provide.
There is no need to choose expensive wines. A delicious selection of red and white wines are available for a great price these days. Do your research.
The Knot also advises having a set number of signature cocktails, limiting what people can drink but also adding a unique aspect to your wedding. Your family and close friends will probably know you’re on a budget so they’ll know to consume accordingly.
Inviting people to your wedding and then expecting them to pay for a drink or two should be avoided if at all possible.
4) Don’t Get Drunk
Since we’re on the topic of alcohol, a really drunk bride or groom is the definition of tacky. Remember you are the host of this party and it’s one you will never host again.
Wearing a beautiful dress or classic suit, with hair groomed, nails done and perfect makeup will all mean nothing if the bride or groom is rolling around drunk — or worse, vomits from drinking too much or falls down.
You will want to socialize with all your guests, and this is one day you will want to remember every part of. You will embarrass yourself, your spouse and your family if you get wasted.
So do enjoy a few cocktails, beers or wine, but make sure you space them apart and drink lots of water between drinks. Eat plenty. For every drink you have, make sure you have one that contains no alcohol. Leave the shots for another time. They make a person drunk fast.
Drinking can also lead to arguments or fights and that sort of thing is truly tacky at a wedding. Plus, you’ll feel good the next day and will have no cringe-worthy moments to worry about.
5) Personal Thank-Yous and Handwritten Thank-You Cards
Thank all your guests personally for attending. This is where a reception line is very handy. You can see everybody on the day, thank them face to face and even take a quick picture. Do this before the party really gets going so that you don’t forget.
You invited everyone for a reason, so make sure everyone gets a few minutes of your time. Don't get wrapped up chatting with certain friends or cliques. Family and older relatives should get a look-in too. Ignoring certain guests is tacky and rude, even if you're not best pleased they're there.
Be classy on your big day and put any negative feelings aside for a few hours. You'll feel a lot better all day, too, if you take the high road.
As for thank-you cards — really? You’re going to send out pre-printed generic thank you cards or — gasp! — an email or general social media message?! A huge no-no!
If a guest can take the time to choose, purchase, pay for, wrap and deliver a gift to you (along with a handwritten card) then you absolutely have the time to do the same. In fact, you only have to write the card.
There is never an excuse to skip this. A handwritten card doesn’t have to be sent off immediately, but should be done 6-12 weeks after the wedding (not a year, as is sometimes suggested. A year is far too long).
It’s nice to use a card that matches the wedding invitation and this is a time-saving way to do things by having them in advance. But any small, nice inexpensive card will suffice.
A few sentences are all that is needed — thanking a guest for their gift (mention the gift by name) and thanking them for attending the wedding — as simple as that.
Emily Post, the etiquette expert website, agrees. On the website it's suggested that “All thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of the gift. Ideally, a response should be written on the day you receive a wedding gift. If that’s not possible, set a daily goal. It’s a lot easier to write three or four notes a day than to have to write a hundred notes in a month after the wedding!”
The experts also list some do's and don’ts of wedding thank-yous, including who to thank and how. Also mentioned is how to tailor your thank-yous depending on the kind of gift (actual gift or cash) and the correct tone. You can read their do’s and don’ts here.
Your wedding day is one you and your loved ones will want to recall with pleasure. Your wedding day should be all about you and your new spouse (and children if applicable) but is also a shared experience.
Tacky can be fun when it come to a bachelorette (think silly hats, straws and a few naughty gifts!) but weddings should be tasteful, as well as lots of fun. You can celebrate in your own unique style while still making sure that it’s a great day to remember for everyone.
Sources:
The Knot.com. Wedding Planning. Reception Ideas. “ Wedding Food & Drink: Is a Cash Bar Acceptable?” Web. Retrieved Feb 4th, 2015.
http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-reception-planning/q...
Emily Post.com. Weddings. Web. Retrieved Feb 4th, 2015. Wedding Thank Yous.
http://www.emilypost.com/everyday-manners/common-courtesies/1076-thank-y...
Reviewed February 4, 2015
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith