I'm 17 years old and I've always been known that im a moody person. As a child I had a few years of molestation and never came to terms with it until my freshman year of high school when I decided to tell my mother. I've always been either really happy, sad and kept to myself, or "angry at the world" my mother and father would say. I've struggled w a few episodes of depression growing up; about 7th grade, lasting about 7 months, and my junior year that lasted my entire year. I couldn't get out of bed. I wouldn't eat. I was constantly tired so I consultated a dr and was prescribed Wellbutrin. It did nothing but kept me up at night, which I usually only sleep 4-6 hours anyway, and it made me feel miserable. So I refused anymore treatment. My anger was resolved, I thought, but now that I'm getting older, I have anger outbursts. I always have anxiety, I picked up the habit of smoking and it helps but not all the time I feel dread in my chest maybe 3 or more times a week. My current boyfriend means a lot to me, and I do my best to keep my cool but when I get upset I scream and cuss and break things and I've even went as far as hitting him. It's hard because I feel like I lose control. I feel like my whole body is on fire and I can't even think straight for hours. I've been working on it but not much luck... It hurts me to look back and that I acted that way. I hate my friends or mother hearing me upset. I've been described as strong, confident, short tempered. But that's an act I don't want to be angry or that anger to anyone. It hurts to know I act like a kid throwing a tantrum. I love my boyfriend and friends and mother very much. I feel like my moods get in the way of me being a real teenager and being happy. I either lay in bed all day, I'm out all night, sleep for hours, or sleep just a few. I want to have a constant mood and my mother has questioned bi polar disorder, she's an RN at Vanderbilt, but she wants to think I'm just hormonal. I don't know what to think or to do. I'm starting to hate my self and how I think and act... I think about all these bad things that could happen and it's honestly annoying because I can't live my life with all of these emotions. Please, someone help me. What do I do? What's wrong with me? I just want to be normal... I have a lot of child hood problems but I'm pass them. What do I do? Please help me.