Guilt and motherhood go hand in hand. From the moment you find out you are expecting, you feel guilty about anything you did in the last six weeks that could have been harmful to the baby you didn’t know you were carrying.
After the baby is born, you feel guilty if you don’t breastfeed exclusively, cloth diaper, refuse to use a pacifier, or start reading bedtime stories at one week old.
Guilt is ingrained in most moms and comes as naturally as breathing. When a new mom goes back to work though, many moms experience a new level of guilt they have never felt before: working mom's guilt.
Now, to be sure, working moms do not have a monopoly on guilt. Moms who choose not to work outside the home certainly feel guilty too. Most moms feel they are not living up to the ideal they had for themselves at one point or another in life.
However, for moms who work outside the home, the guilt is typically focused on the idea that they are relinquishing care of their most precious possession to someone else while they work.
Moms who have recently had a child are dealing with a wide range of emotions, and might be finding out that this “mom thing” is harder than it looks. Going back to work is a necessity for many Americans so dealing with the guilt it induces is necessary as well.
Here are five tips for coping with guilt as a new mom returning to work:
1) Mourn the loss.
It is okay to acknowledge that you will miss some things that happen to your child when you are at work. The fact is that there are bound to be milestones that occurring during daycare time.
Let yourself be sad for awhile about the things you’re missing, but be sure to also remember all the things you gain from working. Acknowledging the pain, instead of dismissing it, might help you work through it.
2) Remind yourself why you work.
If you need to make a list and post it on the bathroom mirror, do it! There are valuable things you get out of working, some tangible and some intangible. Be sure to remind yourself of them daily, before that grass on the other side of the fence starts looking too green.
3) Stay away from guilt-inducing people.
The people in your life who always seem to cause you to question your choices and lead to an increase in guilt should be shunned as much as possible. If you can’t stay away from them entirely, then try to tune them out as much as you can.
Many people never learned that if they don’t have anything nice to say they shouldn’t say anything at all. Stay away from those people!
4) Take a “mommy and me” day.
If guilt is eating you up, try taking a day off work to be with your child. Relish all those extra hours with them and fill up your mom cup.
A day home with your baby might re-affirm your decision to return to work, or help you to focus on a plan that would work better for you and your family.
5) Let it go.
Take a cue from everyone’s favorite Frozen sister and just let it go. Let the guilt go. Release it. Don’t let the guilt pull up a metaphorical chair and sit with you forever.
Believe you chose the best caregiver for your child and she is in capable, loving hands. Believe you are being the best mom you can be and refuse to allow that nagging sense of guilt from having a hold over you.
While mom guilt is inevitable for most moms, it doesn’t have to overwhelm you. Finding a core group of mothers offline or online, or both, can help ease your pain and be a source of strength, joy and support.
You can remind each other that every mom makes the best choices she can for herself and her family, and guilt does not have to be a byproduct of those choices.
Sources:
Workingmoms.about.com. Web. 7 April 2015. “Dealing with working moms guilt, whether you love or hate your job.”
http://workingmoms.about.com/od/todaysworkingmoms/a/workguilt.htm
Babycenter.com. Web. 7 April 2015. “Top 7 mommy guilt trips and how to handle them.”
http://www.babycenter.com/0_top-7-mommy-guilt-trips-8211-and-how-to-handle-them_3654967.bc?page=1
Reviewed April 9, 2015
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith