I recently realized I was a Perfectionist. And then I realized it was causing me to beat myself up and cause me great pain.
How did I realize it? I noticed NOTHING was ever good enough for those around me and I felt like nothing I ever did was right or enough.
But when you begin to study how we/our minds work and realize everything out there is just a reflection of ourselves, I quickly recognized that I had no one to blame but myself, and the one who nothing wasn’t ever good enough for was me.
And that took a little time to wrap my head around.
Why would I deliberately behave a way that would cause myself pain? Why wouldn’t I be happy with what I was doing and who I am on a daily basis?
When we want to stop a behavior that is debilitating in any way, the quickest way to start is to begin within.
So that is what I did. I sat with it. I faced the truth and I came to terms with the fact that I was afraid I wasn’t good enough. That no one would care about me if I didn't get 100% or an A+. That I wouldn't be loved if I wasn't a size 6. And that when I was a little girl, I didn't think I got enough love from my parents, probably because they were busy caring for my alcoholic uncle and my grandmother who was in a coma.
You see, the answer lies in the truth of why we feel certain things, whether they are true or not. And the way to undo them is to go back to the root and change it from there.
So if you're a perfectionist too, it's ok. You just want to be loved. We all do. But you can begin to be the love for yourself now as you are, and let that need to be 100% fall away. Be a detective of your soul. Go in search of the truth.
What I found after I did that, was that the broken girl was actually more worthy than she imagined. And my 97% was just right. I hope you do too. You are perfect as you are, flaws and all.