Yesterday i was very irresponsible. I was under the influence of multiple things such as alcohol and marijuana and a guy that was at the party, kept harassing me. I remember telling him more than once that i didn't want to have sex, but he touched and caressed me. I started jacking him off and told me to go to the bathroom so no one could see what i was doing somehow he slipped on a condom. I gave him oral and then we ended up having sex. I made him stop and he was like if i was uncomfortable we could stop so i told him too. He told me that he hope i don't look at him differently after this. I was so confused and everything was/is a blur to me. I honestly didn't know what i want it just seemed to happened. I went out the room and told my friends what happened they said it was my fault and that it was no way i could have still been intoxicated, but this is very out of character for me to do. I had been knowing him since high school and through a mutual friend. I felt so dirty. I went home took a shower and douche with water and vingear thinking it would make me feel better and cleaner. One of my friends said that it was a form of rape but idk because i still participated in the act. I have been crying all day. Was i raped and not know it? or just taken advantage of?