Today was not a good day.
In fact, it was far from one. And when you have depression, you start to realize that these days are more often than you'd like.
It's not impossible to pick yourself up from a day like this, but when your whole being feels like it's crumbling on top of itself, there isn't much energy to get back up.
Especially when this is a pattern. When the cycles are like clockwork. You're waiting until the hour strikes just to lose your grip again. And each second ticking away is just another nervous second hoping you can hold yourself together.
I didn't mean for today to be this way.
But sometimes, the inevitable feeling of darkness that looms over your head won't disappear. You distract yourself. You talk to people. You use every coping mechanism in the book. Yet, today just didn't end up the way I hoped.
I tell myself over and over, "I will be okay." However, on days like today, it seems that nothing could be further from the truth.
I know I've made progress, but some days the setbacks cloud every positive thought that you fight to think. You force yourself to be grateful, to look on the bright side of things, and to see the light within yourself. But on these days, you just can't seem to get it right.
Don't get me wrong, I know that things will get better. They already are.
I know that I will be okay. I'm just not right now.
On these days, it's important not to act on the negative emotions. To cause yourself to do things you might later regret.
What's more important is to stand by and wait for the feelings to pass. Because after the endless cycles that we've endured, we know that the feelings always subside if we would just have the patience to let them.
So today, I remind myself and you that just because the moment seems never-ending and you feel yourself fading, remember that the moment is also fleeting and that it's just a matter of time until the sun comes up again and you have the chance to start over.
I was not happy when I wrote this, but I made it through the sadness anyways, and you will too.