We all have them…welcome to being human, welcome to being female.Often those voices are snarky, and negative, rarely of praise and compliment.Those internal conversations tend to be one sided and slowly lull us into the pit of shame, the caldron of fear. And, when those voices start to creep into how we feel about ourselves, our bodies respond by extremes; over eating or not eating, sleeping too much or getting up multiple times during the night. We experience unexplained fatigue or feeling restless and distracted all the time.
For some, shopping therapy will be the distraction of choice, even if it’s online at midnight, and then we keep inviting that faceless monster back for an additional dose of mental cruelty by having physical proof we are out of control with our money; we just spent $300 at LL Bean online for winter clothes during the summer. Why do we even have the internal dialogs? Where do those conversations come from?
They are born out of our insecurities, our inability to trust ourselves in pre-selected categories. Some people look in the mirror and are disappointed with the reflection. Others imagine judgments being launched at them when they drive their child to school and see the other mothers. Or, no matter how big their bonus is, it’s never enough. The most universal voice says that whatever we are doing, it’s not ‘enough’... whatever that may be.When we feel calm, safe and intact, we don’t do things that later come back and bite us, or say things we ultimately regret.
But, when those voices are doing the cha-cha in our heads, our hold on reality is tenuous and often we chose behaviors that keep us small and results in losing our self-respect.Those moments look and feel as if there is a looming, larger-than-life, shadow confronting our little, inner five-year old…and she is scared.
This confrontation explains in part, why we sabotage our growth and find ourselves living our lives below our potential. We are hiding from the assumed monster. As children, that monster did exist, but now has evaporated yet our body and psyche have imprinted those scary moments and they re-visit us in metaphors and symbols, and will do so until we have let-go and can allow healing.
What steps do we need to take in order to quiet those voices of gloom and doom and instead, fill our head with voices of positive comments?Change always requires a shift in our thoughts and sometimes, perspective but always, our behaviors. Learning to be accountable to yourself takes courage, you have the capacity to do it, it’s just hidden in plain sight.