Loneliness is a universal experience known to every human being on earth—single parents, teenagers, divorcees, and even the happily married. Everyone is potentially susceptible to loneliness, including the rich and famous. Judy Garland once said, "If I'm such a legend, then why am I so lonely? Let me tell you, being a legend is all very well if you've got somebody around who loves you."
Many of us are probably lonely but are reluctant to admit it. We may feel ashamed and stigmatized by our loneliness and see it as a sign that we are unlovable or defective instead of recognizing it as an essential part of the human condition.
James Park, an existential philosopher, asks, "Is there a person who has never known the eerie distance of isolation and separation, who has never suffered the pain of rejection or the loss of love?" Park eloquently goes on to say, "Loneliness is an aching void in the center of our being, a deep longing to love and to be loved, to be fully known and accepted by at least one other person."
Experts say there are several different kinds of loneliness.
Although getting a divorce, moving to a new state, or having a child leave home can cause feelings of loneliness and loss, feelings of loneliness are often based on an internal sentiment rather than an external reality. Even a socially active, "popular" person can feel emotionally isolated when surrounded by a roomful of superficial acquaintances with whom she lacks a true emotional connection. Even those in a satisfying intimate relationship can feel lonely if they don't have a network of friends to turn to for support when their partner is physically or emotionally unavailable.
Because aloneness is different than loneliness, we need to tune in to the unique pleasures of solitude . We need the freedom to devote hours to our passions, the opportunity for self-reflection and introspection, and space to engage in activities in which creativity gushes forth so that we are oblivious to the passage of time.
People who suffer frequently from loneliness find that it is often accompanied by a host of other negative emotions, including sadness, boredom, anxiety , restlessness, self-pity, and a lowered sense of self-esteem. One lonely woman says, "I feel like my stomach is a big cheese with a little rat gnawing away at it—never making any progress."
In his book The Broken Heart, Dr. James Lynch at the University of Maryland Hospital makes a powerful connection between social isolation and heart disease , pointing out that "reflected in our hearts there is a biological basis for our need to form loving human relationships."
Research reveals that people who live alone after their first heart attack are almost twice as likely to have a second heart attack or to die from heart disease than those who share a home.
To feel complete, we need to nurture a strong connection with our inner selves as well as all kinds of social connections—spouses, lovers, best friends, or mentors with whom we can share our most private thoughts and feelings. We also need casual buddies to "hang out with" (shopping pals and "let's see a movie" friends), and work or church acquaintances who share common day-to-day interests and values.
If you're lonely, here are some things to avoid:
Here are some positive ways to deal with loneliness:
RESOURCES:
American Psychological Association
http://www.apa.org/
Mental Health America
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/
CANADIAN RESOURCES:
Canadian Psychiatric Association
http://www.cpa-apc.org
Canadian Psychological Association
http://www.cpa.ca/cpasite/home.asp
References:
DynaMed editors. ST-elevation myocardial infarction (STEMI). EBSCO DynaMed website. Available at: http://www.ebscohost.com/dynamed/what.php. Updated January 26, 2010. Accessed February 16, 2010.
Opening to Grace website. Available at: http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/G-LONE.html.
Self-help Magazine website. Available at: http://www.shpm.com.
Solo for Singles website. Available at: http://www.solosingles.com.
Last reviewed February 2010 by Brian Randall, MD
Please be aware that this information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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