Women have the reputation for being able to talk about anything, however, there are two topics that they really don’t talk about: money and sex. Tune into The Balancing Act on Lifetime as our s-experts and special guest Susan Hirshman share tips on how to get more comfortable asking for what you want from the bank to the bedroom.
Kristy Villa:
Women have the reputation for being able to talk about anything but the reality is there are two incredibly important topics that many women just don’t talk about openly enough or often enough and those two topics are money and sex.
Joining us now to explain how we can get more comfortable asking for what we want from the bank to the bedroom is Susan Hirshman, author of “Does This Make My Assets Look Fat” and our two s-experts – Mary Wallace Jaensch and Rachel Braun Scherl from Semprae Laboratories. Good morning!
All:
Good morning.
Kristy Villa:
Thanks so much for being here.
Susan Hirshman:
Thanks for having us.
Kristy Villa:
All right so let’s talk about this and I don’t understand this, why this problem about having the courage to ask for money and sex but Susan, let’s start with you – moneywise, what’s the issue?
Susan Hirshman:
You know, the issue is, did you ever talk about this at home?
Kristy Villa:
At home, when I was younger?
Susan Hirshman:
Yeah.
Kristy Villa:
No, not really. It was actually taboo.
Susan Hirshman:
Right, it was taboo, and then secondly, think about all the emotional issues that come along with money – self-worth, self-esteem, power, control, passion – all those emotions come along with money. It’s a very intimate topic to talk about.
Kristy Villa:
And there are intimate fears, no doubt Rachel, in the bedroom as well. I would even think more so. I have to be honest.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Absolutely, and a lot of women are not raised with the language to talk about sexual satisfaction.
Kristy Villa:
I wasn’t, you know, Catholic home, wasn’t allowed to talk about it.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
They talk more about the mechanics maybe or the relationships but often we find that women really just don’t have the words to know what it is to ask for and even that it is something that they can ask for and expect for themselves.
Kristy Villa:
So here the problem is language, right?
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Well when you think about it both money and sex, the language is very male.
Kristy Villa:
It is.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
It’s been created by men for men to talk to each other but not really for women to talk to each other.
Kristy Villa:
Well because if we talk like a man does then, what do we get heat for?
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Talking like a man.
Susan Hirshman:
Talking like a man.
Kristy Villa:
Talking like a man, and then we are called other names.
Susan Hirshman:
And it’s so funny, one of the key terms that we use in investing is alpha, and what does that mean?
Kristy Villa:
What does that mean?
Susan Hirshman:
What does that mean? It means return but do you know that?
Kristy Villa:
No.
Susan Hirshman:
Exactly.
Kristy Villa:
So how do we get comfortable? How do we get more open regarding money Susan?
Susan Hirshman:
You know the basic thing is almost like a who, what, where and why – right? Where are you today? What does your situation look like? What do you want? That’s the most important thing. What is it that you really want? Why do you want those things so much? Why are they meaningful to you, and then how are you going to get there?
Once you know those answers then you get what I call the ‘magic’ and the magic is three Cs.
Kristy Villa:
Oh, three Cs?
Susan Hirshman:
Yes.
Kristy Villa:
I could think of one?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Cash.
Kristy Villa:
That’s what I was thinking, cash.
Susan Hirshman:
I was going somewhere else. So it’s comfort, confidence and control.
Kristy Villa:
Oh and once you get those three Cs you’re in business.
Susan Hirshman:
Yes, then you have the, what I like to call the magic. Then you are on the road to financial success.
Kristy Villa:
Do you think those three Cs could help with the magic in the bedroom?
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Absolutely, I mean if you are confident enough and comfortable enough to start the conversation, hopefully with your partner, but if not with your partner then with somebody else that you are comfortable talking to, it just enables you to think about it in a completely different way.
Kristy Villa:
Alright but let’s take me for example, I am pretty open. I don’t know how assertive I would be with my husband but what line would I use? You guys know me kind of like, what would you say?
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Well, I think it’s as simple as, ‘would you like to try something different’?
Kristy Villa:
Oh, he’d like that.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
That’s right.
Kristy Villa:
He’d like to hear that.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Our experience is that most partners are very open to the fact that a woman is interested in talking about it because we don’t talk about it and so that in and of itself can change the whole dynamic, but simple, easy, effortless questions make it easy. Take it in small segments.
Kristy Villa:
Rachel, your thoughts on a couple of lines?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
I think this is really, really important. The average woman in a committed relationship is having intimacy once-a-week. She should enjoy it and she should know that there are things that are easy that she could do to have better sex effortlessly.
Kristy Villa:
Like what?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
So you could change it up a little bit, as Mary said, you can ask a question, you can change the lighting, you could switch rooms, you could try some products, you could try Zestra which is a topical oil that the woman applies or her partner applies and it improves arousal, desire and satisfaction within 3 to 5 minutes. Just knowing that there are some options often really just changes the whole dynamic.
Kristy Villa:
And no doubt, it may not be an easy step to do but with time one could get there and one deserves it. A woman deserves it, right?
Susan Hirshman:
Absolutely. Exactly, and financial freedom is the most important thing that you deserve.
Kristy Villa:
Financial freedom and sexual freedom.
Susan Hirshman:
Yes.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Sexual satisfaction.
Kristy Villa:
Sexual satisfaction. So maybe I’ll use the line, you know, not that I need to but instead of once-a-week you know, sweetie, how about a few times a week.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
I am sure that he will be there.
Kristy Villa:
I am sure he’d be the first one to say, “Well let’s go”.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
You are a very quick study.
Kristy Villa:
Ladies, thank you very much. Again, thanks for being here – both of you. We are going to see you again in the future. Susan, thank you very much.
Susan Hirshman:
You are welcome. Thank you.
Kristy Villa:
Good luck with the book. It was great having you; lots of fun. I have learned a lot, and if you want to check out Susan’s new book, the name again is “Does This Make My Assets Look Fat: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Financial Empowerment and Success”. Just go to myfatassets.com and for more tips talking about your love life or your sex life, go to Zestra.com.
Today’s show is brought to you in part by Zestra – a natural blend of botanical oils and extracts, clinically proven to enhance a woman’s desire, arousal and satisfaction. Experience the ‘Zestra rush’ for yourselves.
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