Mommy, where did I come from? As a parent, it’s important to talk to your kids about their sexuality, but finding the right approach can be difficult. Dr. Judy Goldstein, a leading Manhattan pediatrician who was selected twice as one of the “Best Doctors in America,” shares tips for how to talk to your children about sex. Along with our sexpert Rachel Braun Scherl, Dr. Goldstein explains at what age children start to discover their body and the best way to answer their questions about sexuality.
Danielle Knox:
Well we all know that children can say the darndest things, right? I mean they just come out of nowhere with these questions that can stump or shock even the most prepared adult. I have three boys and trust me, this is something they do to me all the time.
Kristy Villa:
I hear you girlfriend and I have two girls and they do the same thing. In fact, one of my girls, I told you about this the other day, she is going to be nine and she is starting to discover her body – pretty normal, the difference in hers and mine, and let me tell you, the questions Danielle, they are tough to answer.
Danielle Knox:
Exactly, so we’ve got the experts here with us today. We really wanted to ask the experts just how do you talk to your children about sex because it really is not an easy topic but handling it the right way could actually help a child grow up with a healthy mindset about his or her body and about the physical relationships that they will probably have later on in life?
Kristy Villa:
Yes, much, much, much, much later in life if my husband and I have anything to say about that. Well joining us today is top pediatrician Dr. Judy Goldstein and back with us today is one of our s-experts Rachel Braun Scherl from Zestra. Good morning ladies, thank you so much for being here.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Hello.
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
Hello.
Danielle Knox:
We are so glad to have you here today and I want to start with you Dr. Goldstein because I know, you know, I have so many questions but first I want to tell our viewers out there a few things about you. You are considered a leading pediatrician in Manhattan. You have been selected not once but twice, one of the best doctors in America.
So let’s go ahead and start here with the basics. At what age should we start to expect our child to start asking questions about their body and about sex?
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
Well these are two separate questions and they require two different answers. They start being interested in their body as early as two years of life and certainly between two to five the body is a focal point in their minds and in their lives. They explore their body, toddlers touch themselves; it feels good. Parents should not over-react. Parents shouldn’t make them feel guilty. They may just teach them about privacy.
It’s also very important for parents to name body parts accurately so that these children grow up not with nicknames to their body parts which they may . . .
Danielle Knox:
A lot of parents tend to do that, that’s true, yeah.
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
That’s correct – no nicknames. Parents should tell them, let’s change your diaper. Let’s change and clean your penis or your vagina. You use those words out in the open and in a matter of fact way.
Kristy Villa:
I think my mother would drop dead.
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
That’s a different generation. We are now in the virtual generation and there are so many sexual ads and TV shows that the young children are engaged in sexual intercourse. These kids are exposed to an awful lot of input. So at any rate, two to five we talk about the body.
Danielle Knox:
Very interesting.
Kristy Villa:
And Rachel, you have children. I know you are very open, if you will, in talking to them as well, right?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Well absolutely, and given what I do, and spend my days talking about female sexual satisfaction I find that it’s even more important to make sure I am using appropriate vocabulary and as Dr. Goldstein has counsel me, not to give them more information than they are actually asking for.
Kristy Villa:
And let’s talk about that information, and this is something you and I talked about this morning.
Danielle Knox:
Yes, we did. We did.
Kristy Villa:
I called her; “Danielle, you are not going to believe this,” you know? My older daughter is again, starting to discover her body – very normal, but she is noticing that mommy’s is different from hers and I had to bring up the word puberty if you will.
Danielle Knox:
She was even nervous saying it just right now.
Kristy Villa:
I mean, is that normal?
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
The problem is you started too late.
Kristy Villa:
Oh, I am failing the grade.
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
You would be much more comfortable if you had introduced a relationship of communication about sexual matters with your daughter at a much earlier age.
Now let’s talk about puberty. Puberty should really be discussed, talking at the age of 8 and the concept of menstrual periods has to be introduced as early as that. There is a website called ‘the hormone factory’ and it addresses puberty in 10 to 12 year-olds. It gives you all the information. Then you can clearly discuss whatever questions may arise in the process.
Danielle Knox:
And you are smiling at this, do you agree?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Absolutely. My kids are older. I have a teenager and now that I am in the position with Zestra, talking to women all the time about female sexual satisfaction it’s very clear that many of them did not get the same advice from their pediatricians. They don’t have the language to talk about enjoyment. They might talk about the mechanics but women don’t have a sense of how to articulate what’s missing in their sex life and what they might need and it’s interesting that it starts, should be starting so early and they’d have much better skills.
Danielle Knox:
You know, and here’s the thing, you know getting back to the ages of our particular kids and certainly a lot of our viewers at home can probably relate to this, you know, as I said my son is nine, very sweet and really a very innocent boy, he comes to me recently and he says, his name is Santana. Santana says, “Mommy, how did I get in your tummy? Where did I come from?”
And I said, “Well you came from my tummy”.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Right.
Danielle Knox:
“Well, how did I get in your tummy?” You could have heard a pin drop, because I didn’t know where to go from there. What should I have done in that situation?
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
You follow your child’s lead and you give as much information as the child is ready to receive but there is nothing wrong in saying, “I’d like to discuss this with you but I want to give it some thought, so can we talk about it later like say in the evening?”
Danielle Knox:
Oh he would hound me down. He would come find me.
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
Well then you just tell him that when mommy and daddy love you just so very much they like to be very close, lie in bed together and then dad’s sperm meets mommy’s eggs and a baby . .
Danielle Knox:
Oh lord. I understand what you’re saying
Kristy Villa:
Oh my word.
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
Oh yes, in fact it should probably be brought up at a younger age too because by 9 they want to know the mechanics. So I am answering your question only with regard to this being the first conversation that you’ve had with him because if he pushes you further you will have to go into the actual mechanics. You should be prepared to always be a step ahead of where the child leads you to.
Kristy Villa:
Doctor, what about for the mom like me that is open to everybody about her life yet when my kids talk to me, I shut down?
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
You wouldn’t be so anxious if you had thought about it earlier and had brought it up earlier so your children would feel more comfortable and so when you talk about sex you don’t just talk about the mechanics or the pleasure, you also talk about the all important aspect of pregnancy and safe sex. And that’s something that has to be approached at a very young age.
It’s also good to talk about the mechanics of safe sex such as condoms and to have condoms ready and prepared at home on a shelf where they are reachable and…
Chorus:
Whoa!
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
. . . Accessible for your teenage children because…
Danielle Knox:
For your teenagers, sure; I get that. That makes sense.
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
. . . We don’t talk about sexual satisfaction per se at age nine, your age children.
Danielle Knox:
Sure. How has this been helpful for you?
Kristy Villa:
Yes it has. It’s not going to be easy if it has.
Danielle Knox:
No, and it has been helpful for me too. So it’s really been a great conversation, very eye-opening and ladies, thank you so much for joining us here this morning to share these tips with us. We appreciate it.
Dr. Judy Goldstein:
You are welcome.
Kristy Villa:
You know what I have to say to this? I just wish they would have just stayed babies forever.
Danielle Knox:
Well yeah, that means you will have to have another one but that’s another story. If you’d like more information from Dr. Goldstein please go to www.globalpediatrics.com, and for more information on Zestra, go to Zestra.com.
Today’s show is brought to you in part by Zestra – a natural blend of botanical oils and extracts clinically proven to enhance a woman’s desire, arousal and satisfaction. Experience the ‘Zestra rush’ for yourself.
Keywords:
Related Terms: Female Orgasm, Menopause, Low Libido, Female Viagra, Sexual Arousal, Sexual Desire, Increased Female Libido, Female Arousal, Aphrodisiac For Women, Female Aphrodisiac, Female Sex Drive, Female Sexual Enhancement, Women Having Sexual Difficulties, Sex Drive, Vaginal Dryness, Vaginal Atrophy, Female Libido Enhancer, Sexual Satisfaction, Arousal Gel
