Special guest and media personality Valerie Smaldone joins Zestra sexpert Mary Wallace Jaensch to discuss life after 40. Find out why life after 40, 50, even 60 may be your most rewarding years yet from your career to your relationship. Don’t miss it!
Kristy Villa:
These days many people in their 40s, 50s and 60s are choosing or, are being forced to ask, “What’s next?” with their jobs and even their relationships. Often with big life changes you have to rethink everything and it’s far from easy and can certainly challenge your self-esteem.
But our next guest say from your career to the bedroom life transitions after 40, 50 and even 60 should be exciting and rewarding, and why not? Joining us now is media personality Valerie Smaldone and one of our s-expert is back with us – Mary Wallace Jaensch from Zestra. Welcome back Mary.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Thank you very much.
Kristy Villa:
Valerie, thanks for being here.
Valerie Smaldone:
Thank you Kristy.
Kristy Villa:
I love this kind of conversation because I am in one of those numbers’ let’s say the lower one, thank you.
Valerie Smaldone:
Okay.
Kristy Villa:
Now let’s start talking about you. Your life really changed after 40, in fact you left behind what was a cushy lifestyle, if you will, and kind of reinvented yourself. Tell me about it.
Valerie Smaldone:
I did. I was in a very comfortable job at a radio station in New York and I was top of my field, great contract, terrific job, but I really felt there was more to do and I decided to take a leap of faith, Kristy, and just walk away from a very lucrative contract.
Kristy Villa:
Wow, that takes guts.
Valerie Smaldone:
Yes, I have to say I was very brave to do so and I had no idea what would be waiting for me on the other side.
Kristy Villa:
But not everybody, you know, has that. I can relate to you but a lot of people can’t out there. How do you do it? How to get started? What’s that first step, if you will?
Valerie Smaldone:
The first step is terror and I really mean that and I know that sounds funny but I mean it really seriously.
Kristy Villa:
But it’s true.
Valerie Smaldone:
It’s terror and it’s okay to be scared. I think we are very afraid to be afraid. So embrace it. Say ‘I am terrified’ – live with it and get used to it first of all. And then there’s also a mourning period where you are just letting go of another life and your identity. It’s very, very important to understand that was then; this is now. I am not the same person but there is a whole new world of possibilities waiting for me. So there is a mourning process you really have to go through before you do anything else.
And then I say, stretch your resiliency muscles. Do something you have never done before.
Kristy Villa:
I love that.
Valerie Smaldone:
Right, if you are a runner, say, and you are into aerobics, take a yoga class. If you are into meditation do something like boxing. Stretch yourself because now is the time to have new possibilities come into your life.
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
And what’s interesting, we have gotten to know Valerie and what we discovered is there’s a lot of similarity between what she is talking about and what she experienced in the context of her career and her life and your relationship after 40, 50, 60 because often you are redefining, you are rediscovering either because you are in a long-term relationship and it’s the same relationship and you want to make sure that the next 20 years are as good as the last 20 years or for a lot of women, they are getting into new relationships for a variety of reasons and it can be terrifying because, who are they and how is that relationship going to evolve?
Kristy Villa:
And to do it with a relationship or a career you obviously have to have confidence which, kudos to you, you did, but some people may not have it and sometimes as we age we lose some of that confidence.
Valerie Smaldone:
Oh I lost my confidence entirely. I mean, I have to be honest with you, it was a very difficult time because now, especially with the challenging economy, it’s difficult to get new work and so there was a lot of rejection or no phone calls being returned. That’s a terrible feeling when you are reaching out to colleagues that you knew and they are not returning your call.
But here’s what I did – I started to reframe everything and said, well it’s not about me; they are busy. They are hanging on to their jobs for survival. I am not going to waste my energy thinking about why they are not returning my call. I am going to let that go and take care of what I need to do next.
Kristy Villa:
Good for you. Taking charge, if you will.
Valerie Smaldone:
Taking charge and understanding that if you are feeling rejection it doesn’t really matter if you make that phone call because you are feeling rejection anyway. Go for it. What do you have to lose?
Kristy Villa:
What have you got to lose? If you are already at the bottom how much lower can you go, and the same thing when it comes to relationship and, you know, sex in the bedroom, right?
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Right, I mean how many women who have been married for a long period of times say, “He doesn’t even notice me; he doesn’t see me,” and not being afraid to try and change that up a little bit and again, Valerie talks about small steps. So it’s not that you have to redefine who you are overnight; it’s that you have to try new things. You have to be willing to experiment.
Kristy Villa:
And how do we experiment? Let’s say if we want to vavoom it in the bedroom or vavoom the relationship that 20 years ago had some vavoom?
Mary Wallace Jaensch:
So we talk about the novelty. So just change up the night of the week that you have a date night. Try on a blouse in a different color, and of course we suggest that you add Zestra which is a clinically proven blend of botanical oils and extracts, works in 3 to 5 minutes and it just helps you experience it perhaps a little differently and also brings your partner into it, which again, part of the challenge is not just where you are, but how do you fit with the people and in the context that you are in.
So Valerie has some really interesting, from a career that are very relevant to your sex life as well.
Valerie Smaldone:
Absolutely, self-esteem is so important Kristy.
Kristy Villa:
Oh it’s huge. Self-esteem is number one and that’s what I try to instill in my children every day. I am going to end it with you. You are writing a book about your experiences. I am dying to read it. Tell me what you are kind of like saying in that book.
Valerie Smaldone:
I am talking about going from a very successful career to not getting my calls returned. So the name of the book is “From on the Air to Nowhere and How I got My Mojo Back,” because mojo is really important. That’s that inner pilot light that propels you, makes you feel like, “I can take on the world and it’s okay”.
Kristy Villa:
Good luck with the book. We are going to bring it back in and talk to you about that book. Good luck. Thank you.
Valerie Smaldone:
Thank you. It’s my pleasure.
Kristy Villa:
I want my mojo back. That’s right. I want my Zestra, too. Thank you so much ladies. I had a great time and if you want more information on refocusing your life after 40 or 50 or whatever age it is, go to valeriesmaldone.com and for more information on Zestra, to try and add that little vavoom back into your life, go to Zestra.com.
Today’s show is brought to you in part by Zestra – a natural blend of botanical oils and extracts, clinically proven to enhance a woman’s desire, arousal and satisfaction. Experience the ‘Zestra rush’ for yourself.
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