Autumn is here – a time for renewal after the lazy, hazy days of Summer. And, if you’re looking for some fun, imaginative ways to start fresh and add a little Fall romance to your love life, we have just the thing. Tune in to The Balancing Act on Lifetime this Wednesday (9/22) as relationship experts Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal guest on the new, groundbreaking series about women’s sexual health and wellness, hosted by s-experts Mary Wallace Jaensch and Rachel Braun Scherl.
Kristy Villa:
It’s back to school time again and for many of us parents a busy summer just turns into an even busier fall and winter, right? Sadly, our lives just get so hectic. It’s all too easy to let our relationship just take a back seat, you know? So what do you do when that spark is gone? You know, you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, but you want it back. You want it back. Well you call in the experts for help and that’s what we are going to do.
Today, joining us are relationship gurus and celebrity authors Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal and one of our s-experts is back with us again – Rachel Braun Scherl from Semprae Laboratories. Good morning.
Tamsen Fadal:
It doesn’t have to be gone, gone, gone. We are going to bring it back.
Matt Titus:
Please
Tamsen Fadal:
We’re going to bring it back. You don’t like our voice?
Kristy Villa:
Did you like that?
Matt Titus:
That was beautiful.
Kristy Villa:
You’ve lost that…
Matt Titus:
If this doesn’t work out for you, you could always just…
Kristy Villa:
Let’s talk about you two – you are married, you work together, it’s 24/7 – I mean you are tied to the hip, if you will.
Matt Titus:
It’s disastrous.
Tamsen Fadal:
It’s wonderful.
Kristy Villa:
It’s wonderful; it’s disastrous.
Matt Titus:
It’s disastrous. I’m just kidding. Honestly. . .
Kristy Villa:
You’d better be just kidding.
Matt Titus:
I am blessed, as they say.
Kristy Villa:
She is gorgeous.
Tamsen Fadal:
Thank you.
Matt Titus:
She is gorgeous and she is smart, she’s intelligent and that’s what really keeps me interested.
Tamsen Fadal:
But you know what, it can be tough. For that many hours, it’s really, really difficult and you know, whether you work together or you don’t work together you’ve got to get away from it and whether you can afford to do it or you can’t afford to take a trip, you’ve got to find a way to get that time away from the norm.
Kristy Villa:
You are killing me.
Matt Titus:
What is it you say it turn it…what is that?
Tamsen Fadal:
Turn it off to turn it on – we’re going to talk about that a little bit.
Matt Titus:
Oh, did I jump it? Sorry, I don’t know… anyway, we do have a time that we cut it off. It’s around 5:30 – 6 o’clock and at that time then I’m expected to take her out to dinner and buy her things and that’s what I do every day and, seriously though…
Kristy Villa:
Oh, I love this.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Wow. How do you accomplish that?
Tamsen Fadal:
I don’t know; I have no idea.
Matt Titus:
We do cut it off because it just goes on and on and we lose the relationship and that’s something that we cannot do and a lot of couples sometimes forget why they are togher and the relationship has actually created wonderful children and a great life and you always have to maintain that first or everything can go away.
Kristy Villa:
Here we go. I am going to cry. I mean, it’s been three years that my husband and I have gone away anywhere without the children – three years. Look at you, you are looking at me like, “What’s wrong with you?”
Matt Titus:
That’s absolutely ridiculous.
Tamsen Fadal:
But Rachel and I talked about this before, getting away, going on a vacation, even if it’s a quick weekend, is a nice thing to do because you are changing environment.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Absolutely, and if you can that’s wonderful and Matt and Tamsen have all kinds of fun tips that they give couples to make that happen. Sometimes you don’t have that kind of time though, so you need simpler ways to figure out how to add a little spice. You can’t just jet off to wherever it is in the middle of the week.
Kristy Villa:
But Matt, it’s really important, isn’t it?
Matt Titus:
Wait, I’m not even there. Did your man not take you away for three years, seriously?
Kristy Villa:
No, it’s not his fault. Let’s not blame him. It’s just you know with the hustle and bustle and the children really, it’s both of our faults.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Kids, schedule, everything.
Kristy Villa:
It is. Look at you. You are looking me like, “You’re pathetic”.
Matt Titus:
I am going to have a talk with that gentleman. Anyway, Tamsen and I do something called a relationtrip.
Kristy Villa:
Wait a minute, relationtrips?
Matt Titus:
Yes.
Kristy Villa:
I love this.
Matt Titus:
We have people. We have couples come to us in Cabo and…say it.
Kristy Villa:
Where?
Matt Titus:
Puerto Vallarta.
Kristy Villa:
Puerto Vallarta.
Matt Titus:
God, did you hear that? It’s beautiful.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
You’re going to be on their video.
Matt Titus:
Anyway, what we do is we have them reconnect. We help keep the fire alive.
Kristy Villa:
Rekindle.
Matt Titus:
Rekindle, you know you got to get away.
Kristy Villa:
We could use that.
Matt Titus:
Absolutely.
Tamsen Fadal:
Who couldn’t, right?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Do you want to be part of the research? I’ll go with you. I’ll carry your suitcase.
Kristy Villa:
Something else I have noticed about relationships, and this has happened to me but yet I’ll catch myself as saying, “Uh-huh, no more,” you know like the sweat pants kind of woman that, you know, you just, it’s not that you don’t look pretty but you just kind of lock your. . .
Tamsen Fadal:
You fall into habits.
Kristy Villa:
Yes.
Tamsen Fadal:
That’s what it is and it’s easy to do’ it’s because you are busy. You are taking care of the kids. You are running on back and forth to soccer practice, you are running over to the mall to pick up.
Kristy Villa:
You’ve got you hair up in a pony tail.
Tamsen Fadal:
Yeah, and at the end of the day you are like, listen, I am already married and I’m not worried about it.
Matt Titus:
Yeah, I don’t think so.
Tamsen Fadal:
But I can’t tell you the number of women that I hear say that, “I am married. I am not worried about it anymore”. That’s the wrong way to be.
Kristy Villa:
No, that’s not the…
Matt Titus:
It’s complacency I am hearing and honestly, that’s not how any of the ladies in this little area were when you first got married, and men do the same thing. I am not picking on the women, but everybody sort of baits and switches and becomes somebody that their partner didn’t know, and from an appearance perspective as well as from behavioral. Be the person who you were when you first got married. I know it’s hard.
Kristy Villa:
Okay, but wait a minute. Is he the person?
Tamsen Fadal:
Probably not. He is in his sweat pants with his, you know…
Kristy Villa:
Did he used to do things for you that he doesn’t do anymore, give you flowers – is that what you mean?
Chorus:
You don’t bring me flowers anymore.
Matt Titus:
I am leaving. Terrible
Kristy Villa:
There you go. You are doing it too, Matt.
Matt Titus:
No seriously, it’s hard.
Tamsen Fadal:
It’s important for both parties. It’s like, remember, that’s what attracted you to each other. It’s really, really important and we go on from there because it’s not just about how you look; it’s about setting a mood and quite frankly when you’ve got the treadmill in the bedroom, clothes, you know… the laptop on the bed, the BlackBerry under your pillow. I am sorry, that’s not a place that you want to get any action.
Matt Titus:
She does and she is texting late at night, and I am like, “Who you are texting?”
Rachel Braun Scherl:
You waiting for the tooth fairy or something?
Matt Titus:
It’s a whole other thing. Exactly. She has a boyfriend or something. I don’t know what’s going on here.
Tamsen Fadal:
Lights; candle; action.
Kristy Villa:
Lights; candle; action.
Tamsen Fadal:
There’s no iPod involved in that; no iPhone involved; no BlackBerry.
Kristy Villa:
I like that.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
We love it because it’s simple. You don’t have to pack your bags and find someone to take the kids. You can start something simple. You can change the mood a little bit, turn off the lights, light a candle, bring some Zestra into the picture, which is a botanical oil that you can apply. The woman applies to herself or her partner does, and within minutes it improves her arousal desire and satisfaction. So everybody is a winner.
Matt Titus:
As a guy I will take any help I can get in the bedroom. There’s no question. I mean, Zestra…
Kristy Villa:
You have no ego.
Matt Titus:
I have no ego. Any kind of you know…
Kristy Villa:
That’s great.
Matt Titus:
Any kind of dress you want to do, like change it up.
Kristy Villa:
He’s talking to you.
Matt Titus:
I am over here, hello. Hello.
Tamsen Fadal:
I hear him
Kristy Villa:
Stay right there. We’ve got more to talk about. Don’t go anywhere. Pink roses, I like them white. No more sweat pants, a relationtrip and lights, candles, action – I’m loving this.
Matt Titus:
And Zestra.
Kristy Villa:
And Zestra – that’s right. We’re not done with these experts just yet. When we come back we are going to have more tips on creating some mystery, mysterio for the mood so don’t go away.
All right, we are back everyone with relationship gurus and celebrity authors Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal, and one of our s-experts, Rachel Braun Scherl from Semprae Laboratories, and of course we are talking about getting in the mood and keeping it hot in the bedroom. So, what’s another tip for people out there that just…
Tamsen Fadal:
This is what I have a hard time with.
Matt Titus:
What’s your tip Tamsen?
Tamsen Fadal:
I have a hard time with this one. I call it, turning it off to turn it on and I have a tough time doing it. We are talking about electronics. We are talking about BlackBerrys, iPhones, iPods, computers – it’s really hard in this day and age.
Matt Titus:
All I see it the top of her head. No, that’s all I see.
Tamsen Fadal:
From typing.
Matt Titus:
All she is, is top of her head in BlackBerry. I have seen her actually, I have been so frustrated that I literally let her walk into a tree.
Kristy Villa:
You’re kidding?
Matt Titus:
No, because I have asked her four times before that.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
And that’s how you keep love alive.
Matt Titus:
Seriously.
Tamsen Fadal:
And here we go; that’s it.
Kristy Villa:
And you let her hit the tree?
Matt Titus:
But I stopped her, but I almost let her walk into the tree because she won’t pay attention to me and I want attention.
Kristy Villa:
That’s irritating. Yeah, well we could see that.
Matt Titus:
Yes, exactly.
Kristy Villa:
You are a little high-maintenance I think.
Matt Titus:
A little bit.
Tamsen Fadal:
I think it’s important though because we get so used to everything right now all the time and that’s what we want – we are waiting for the next email, waiting for the next phone call, and if you are doing that you are not living in the moment.
Kristy Villa:
It’s true.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
The other thing we found from doing research is that the more we are connected electronically, the less connected we actually feel. We have these ideas of friends on Facebook; it’s very different than an interpersonal relationship that needs some nurturing.
Matt Titus:
You are not sleeping with your Facebook friends. It doesn’t matter. So everyone out there, please connect the right person, connect with your loved one. Grow your family, get along, live in the moment – that’s a very important thing that…
Kristy Villa:
This sounds so poetic.
Matt Titus:
It’s true thought.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Well we have talked about this before. When you have kids you wouldn’t just assume that they will grow and do and learn all kinds of things without your supervision. I mean the same thing with the relationship. If it’s not watered it doesn’t grow.
Kristy Villa:
This is true. Now I actually think something that I find very helpful for us is being mysterious.
Tamsen Fadal:
Oh yeah, I think it’s really important. Don’t you want that?
Matt Titus:
You probably disappear for hours during the day, don’t you? You’re husband is like, where is she?
Tamsen Fadal:
What is she doing?
Kristy Villa:
She is at Sax 5th Avenue buying shoes she’s been dying for.
Tamsen Fadal:
Now that’s romantic.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
So what does a woman do who has kids and a job and a family and all these things? Where does she fit mystery into her very busy day in her busy life?
Tamsen Fadal:
It’s really hard because you are used to having this conversation to just do scheduling to just kind of figure out that… right, just to figure out the day in general. But you’ve got to take some time to create mystery about yourself.
Kristy Villa:
You’ve got to want to do it.
Tamsen Fadal:
Absolutely, and it’s what you did when you first started dating. He didn’t know where you were every minute of the day. You weren’t calling him all the time complaining about problems. You were handling some of the stuff yourself. But it’s important, is it not? Don’t you, at the end of…
Matt Titus:
You have to stalk to find here. No seriously, it’s really important. ]
Tamsen Fadal:
Five hours without hearing from me you want to talk to me.
Matt Titus:
Yeah, I do, though it’s usually like six or seven but honestly, the most important thing is breaking the routine. It’s not just mystery, you know just try as hard as you can to deviate from what goes on between when the children wake up and he goes to work or you are getting ready to leave as well – do something different please. It will really help the relationship.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
I’ll tell you, it is so hard but if you can do it, it makes a huge difference – just change one thing.
Tamsen Fadal:
Sunday night, say your husband or vice-versa, husbands say to wives, “What can we do differently this week? We are going to work all week along. We know this is going to happen but how can it be different?”
Kristy Villa:
I know, breaking that routine, right?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
We hear from women that many women make the decision on a Thursday whether they are going to have sex on a Saturday. So when you talk about adding mystery, it gets a little bit complicated. But you know what, when we say to women ‘what is the single thing your partner could do to make you more interested in having sex’, the number one answer, not flowers, not trips, not mystery, say hello to me nicely in the morning.
Kristy Villa:
Wow.
Tamsen Fadal:
Wow. It’s true though.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
It’s a pretty low bar.
Matt Titus:
That’s all I have to do?
Rachel Braun Scherl:
That’s it.
Tamsen Fadal:
That’s it. Did you say hello this morning nicely?
Matt Titus:
Hi there. Good morning baby. How’s it going?
Tamsen Fadal:
I’ll let you know.
Kristy Villa:
I didn’t like the way you went, “Hi there.”
Matt Titus:
That was creepy wasn’t it? Sorry
Tamsen Fadal:
How you doing?
Kristy Villa:
One of the takeaways I have gotten from you two, and honestly, I think it’s excellent, is to have fun. You guys have a lot of fun and I think it really keeps it alive.
Matt Titus:
It does. Absolutely.
Kristy Villa:
Thank you so much. This has been a lot of fun. I want to thank you so much.
Tamsen Fadal:
Thank you.
Rachel Braun Scherl:
Thank you.
Kristy Villa:
Get her the flowers.
Matt Titus:
Yes ma’am, absolutely.
Tamsen Fadal:
Pink roses.
Kristy Villa:
Roses, no thorns. If you want to check out more relationship tips from Matt and Tamsen on keeping that fire burning just go to the loveconsultants.com and for more ways to spice up your love-life or your sex-life for that matter, check out zestra.com.
Today’s show is brought to you in part by Zestra – a natural blend of botanical oils and extracts, clinically proven to enhance a woman’s desire, arousal and satisfaction. Experience the ‘Zestra rush’ for yourself.
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