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Sex for Dummies

By January 17, 2011 - 12:45pm

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Did you know many women actually decide on Thursday if they are going to have sex with their significant other on Saturday? Tune into The Balancing Act on Lifetime to get some tips from our experts so that you can make sure “Thursday’s decision ” is a yes.

Kristy Villa:
As life gets busier for you and your partner, sometimes the last thing on your mind is romance, right? Well, it might be easier than you think to get in the mood. Joining us today are relationship gurus and celebrity authors Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal. They have got some tips to help us out this morning to get you out of overload and into the bedroom mode, do you like that?

Tamsen Fadal:
I do.

Matt Titus:
That’s very good.

Kristy Villa:
To spice it up even more, one of our s-expert is back – Mary Wallace Jaensch from Semprae Laboratories. I have a feeling we are just going to get things hot this morning. It is going to be a little warm in here. Caliente as I say.

All right, so, you know, we do get tired, don’t we?

Tamsen Fadal:
Yeah, it’s hard. It can be very difficult and you think, sometimes it’s the most simplistic things that can really help what goes on in the bedroom and we are not even talking about physical things. We are just talking about working on the relationship, like that sounds really simple but we don’t do it a lot of times.

Mary Wallace Jaensch:
And research shows that women often don’t even put it on their list and if you look at how satisfied they are with their sexual experience, it’s often directly related to how much effort they make. So effort is a really important thing.

Tamsen Fadal:
It absolutely is.

Matt Titus:
We forget to live in the moment too. Certain things within a relationship always take precedence over what’s really important. You know, if everyone would realize that you only have this one life with this one person you might take things a little bit more seriously.

Kristy Villa:
True. This is true. One thing my husband cannot stand, if I ever say it, and I say it. I am not going to lie, I am sure everybody does. “Sweetie, I’m just so tired.”

Tamsen Fadal:
Oh, that’s the worst.

Matt Titus:
When you hear that the trick is to just do it anyway. You know why? Sorry, just start. I don’t care how it has to start; start a little bit more slower paced, start it a little bit different way – just make it happen because at the end it will be the best experience you’ve had in probably weeks or months and you’ll be more connected. So make the effort. Please, where’s the camera? Make the effort. Make the effort. Make it happen.

Kristy Villa:
I got it.

Tamsen Fadal:
The big thing is, do not blame the other person. A lot of times we fall into this habit like ‘it’s not my fault’ and you are saying ‘it’s your fault. If it’s not my fault, it’s somebody’s. Blaming the other person builds up a lot of resentment and over time you are not interested in going into the bedroom with them. All you want to do is get away from them and that’s why we say, just do it. You really need to like go forward and make that effort, not blaming each other, trying to figure out who is at fault for something.

Kristy Villa:
I’m taking notes here – don’t blame each other. Next.

Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Right, listen to each other. It’s really important. A lot of times we don’t really hear what the other person is saying because they might talk too much.

Kristy Villa:
Oh, excuse me.

Matt Titus:
Or they might not say things that you think are important, but you know what, everything that comes out of your wives’ or your husbands’ mouths is important. It’s very important.

Mary Wallace Jaensch:
We’ve had women in focus groups tells us that the most important aspect of foreplay is simply the fact that their partners say good morning to them or acknowledge them or just recognize what’s going on in their day. They don’t need…

Matt Titus:
It’s that easy, Mary?

Mary Wallace Jaensch:
It is that easy.

Matt Titus:
Really Mary? So all I have to do is say hello to you and we’re having sex once a day?

Tamsen Fadal:
Just say hi to me.

Matt Titus:
Well, hello. Hey there girl. I don’t even have anything to do.

Kristy Villa:
I should just tell my husband, “Cook for me, cook for me, I’m yours, right now.”

Tamsen Fadal:
You’re easy. I like it. I like it.

Matt Titus:
That is on the list. Cooking can be a real fun experience. You lighten up; you relax. People think that it’s sort of like a leisure activity. I hate it but I would cook with Tamsen. We make pizza sometimes, right?

Tamsen Fadal:
You like being cooked for though.

Matt Titus:
I love being cooked for.

Tamsen Fadal:
You know date night is another big thing. I think it’s important to set some time aside and we have heard people say it more and more but people don’t always do it. You really do have to say – Friday, we are getting a sitter. We are going out, or we are sending the kids over to our parent’s house and we are staying at home and having a night in.

Kristy Villa:
And you know what happens to me. We’ll get to that Friday and all of a sudden… you know where I am going, right?

Matt Titus:
Right.

Kristy Villa:
What?

Matt Titus:
I really don’t know. No, I want to hear it from you. I am just kidding. Where we go?

Kristy Villa:
No, I am just too tired so let’s just cancel sitter. We don’t follow through.

Matt Titus:
That’s exactly true. The other thing is I want to throw some guilt around here, okay? I am going to throw some guilt. You know, you married someone; you made a commitment. Who are you, as a person or a spouse, to not be a great partner, because you are going to significantly not ruin, but not give the type of life to that person you are married to like you promised, and that’s a long time.

I don’t want to be a bad husband and ruin Tamsen’s married life because I am lazy or I don’t want to listen anymore. That’s a big responsibility. I think everybody should really think about being responsible enough to give that person that you love and took a vow to the life that you had promised and that doesn’t happen a lot.

Mary Wallace Jaensch:
And it’s really interesting. I have teenage, actually young, adult children and they make time for date night and they are not fancy date nights but they go to the wine store and they buy a special bottle of wine and they are not making lot of money so it’s not a very expensive bottle of wine, but they go together; they pick it up; they drink it together. That’s something that you can do.

Matt Titus:
And it’s not expensive.

Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Exactly.

Kristy Villa:
God, I hope they’re not teenagers

Mary Wallace Jaensch:
No, they are young adults.

Kristy Villa:
What about socializing together?

Tamsen Fadal:
Socializing together is always important because I think that doing like things together, look we can’t do everything together, I have no interest in golf. I have no interest in taking long runs like he like to do but I have my own thing and I think when you come together at the end of the day or into the weekend, and socializing together, have a common interest is really important.

Kristy Villa:
Look at his face.

Matt Titus:
I just love listening to her talk. I love it.

Tamsen Fadal:
He should.

Matt Titus:
No, she is right, and I also think taking risks together and doing, because everybody is so tied down by their bank account, I’m sick of hearing it. You know, I have got a line of trips and we talked about this before but that are so cheap; make the effort. Do something that you guys have never done before.

Kristy Villa:
Oh, you sound like my husband.

Matt Titus:
I am sick of it.

Kristy Villa:
“We have a savings. We have saved enough. What’s the problem? Use it,” and I am just like ‘okay’.

Matt Titus:
High maintenance chick over here; no, seriously. I think that taking adventures together is really important and get out of the routine; we’ve said that before, what else do we have to say?

Tamsen Fadal:
And I think if you can’t get away there’s nothing wrong with changing up the routine at home. I say, go shopping, introduce different things into the relationship, into the bedroom. I am sorry, there’s nothing wrong with that. That really spices things up.

Mary Wallace Jaensch:
Right, sometimes it can be as easy as adding something to the experience.

Kristy Villa:
Like?

Mary Wallace Jaensch:
So Zestra is something that we recommend to people. It’s an all natural product made from botanicals. It works in 3 to 5 minutes. It is topically applied. It can be part of the experience.

Matt always talks about ‘make it a little different’ – just change it up. So you don’t have to go out of the house. You don’t have to spend a lot of money but you can communicate to your partner that you are interested enough to have at least thought about something in advance.

Matt Titus:
I would love Tamsen to say something, introduce something into the bedroom that I have never even thought of before. Anything that can help me do better. Mary, you know what I am saying? I am on board and any married guy is going to tell you the same thing. Give me some help because I want to make this woman as happy as possible.

Tamsen Fadal:
The gods are apparently listening.

Kristy Villa:
Amen to that. Okay, so I got it. So this Friday I am buying Zestra. I am going to dinner and then we are going to leave for the weekend. My husband, he is listening; he is going ‘thanks to you guys, thanks’.

Tamsen Fadal:
Tell us, send us an email and let us know how it goes.

Matt Titus:
Exactly.

Kristy Villa:
I’ll send you a picture. I am just kidding. Thanks you guys. I really appreciate it, and if you want to check out more relationship tips from Matt and Tamsen just go to theloveconsultants.com and for more ways to spice up your love life check out zestra.com. I know I am.

Today’s show is brought to you in part by Zestra – a natural blend of botanical oils and extracts, clinically proven to enhance a woman’s desire, arousal and satisfaction. Experience the ‘Zestra rush’ for yourself.

Keywords:
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