AUDIO - Dr. Marty Klein - How Can A Couple Communicate When One Person Doesn’t Verbalize As Much As The Other?

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No sex or marriage question is too embarrassing because it’s time to ask EmpowHer’s sexuality expert, Dr. Marty Klein, anything. Asking your questions is EmpowHer’s Founder and Chairman Michelle King Robson.

Michelle King Robson:

Dr. Klein, I have got a question from a woman who needs communication advice to help her marriage. She says, “Dr. Klein, I am a newlywed, and I absolutely adore my husband. I just don’t like to talk, and he is very detail-oriented and loves conversation. I tease him that he is more like a woman than I am because he wants greater detail, and I am already ready to move on. So what does someone who isn’t into talking do with the spouse who talks things up, down, and sideways?”

Dr. Marty Klein:
Boy, there are lots of women who wish they had your problem, huh? Well, you know, it all depends on what it is that you’re not wanting out of a conversation because there’s a lot of a reason that people say, enough already. One is “We’ve already come to an agreement; we don’t need to talk about it some more.” Another is, “Honestly, honey, you are using language or a tone of voice that I don’t really like.” Another reason is, ”Gee, you are talking about stuff that makes me really uncomfortable, like your ex girlfriends,” right?

And another reason is, “You know, I would be willing to talk about that stuff at another time, but right now, you know, I am tired or I am cranky or my hands are wet,” or whatever. So let’s make sure that those things are not part of what’s going on. Now, that said, human beings are different in a whole lot of ways, and one of them is about communication.

Some people, they like to talk more than others, and this may be one of those mismatches in that regard. Of course, you know, no couple is a perfect match, but I would be curious to know what it is about his talking that you find so, what is it, boring or uncomfortable or unnecessary. And the other thing is if there were ways that he could talk to you that would make it more interesting for you, tell him. You know, like, “Gee honey, if you would look me in the eye when you talk to me,” or “Gee honey, if you would shut the TV when you talk to me or put down your BlackBerry,” or ”Gee honey, I would be more interested in this if it were not 11:30 at night on a school night.”

So I’d be curious to know is there anything that you two could work out so that you’d be more interested in hearing what he had to say.