He Cares About Me -- But Does He? Editorial

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When a husband or a lover tells you that he cares about you a lot one day and the next minute acts as if he doesn't give a darn about you, how do you feel? Do you feel helpless and just resort to the explanation that his nature is like that? Do you say to heck with him, I just go about my business and ignore him anyway? Or do you convince yourself that you love him anyway, even if you feel like strangling him at that moment and then give him a big hug and say "Honey, I know you didn't mean what you said-- it's okay and I forgive you"?

When women go through menopause they sometimes expect certain amounts of attention from their loved ones in order to sustain irritations and complications that arise from their particular situation. Some women suffer from menopause more than others. I have seen women with deep depression, suicidal thoughts, being in fighting moods, and becoming cry babies. The most important thing many women seem to expect from their better halves is the feeling of "I am here for you and I understand" kind of assurance. Even if it is not expressed in words, little actions like making a cup of coffee, rubbing their feet, getting a Tylenol, cooking for dinner, or just plain and simple hug makes a lot of difference. But how many women know that men go through their own share of mood swings? Before I got marries, I certainly didn't.

Many men, if we notice carefully, change their attitudes and moods according to the situations they are in. For example, if I try to speak to one of my children early in the morning when he is getting ready to leave the house for work, I better watch out for the grumpy man who will reply to me. Sometimes I am hesitant to ask if he needs some coffee or toast for breakfast. The way he looks at me says it all. The best time to catch this young man is in the evening at around seven when he is in his best of moods, or during the weekend.

Another one of my sons is in his worst moods after work while driving home. He sounds as if the whole world is falling apart. His usually handsome, deep voice turns to this mushy child's tone that is in dire need of crying out. Sometimes I actually imagine the tears falling out of his eyes any moment like the way they show the circus clowns tears in the pictures. He is also not in a good mood sometimes when he has had a drink or two and is tipsy. This can lead to what I call a "sweet depression" -- the kind where men have all their emotions flowing out of their husky voices and drenching us with lots of unnecessary sweet words which they forget the very next day.

And then there is my youngest one. Early in the morning if I try to wake him up with a phone call, I had better be prepared for his often testy reply. This also happens when my son has one of those typical young men's moods regarding some testosterone problems.

I have gone through my share of problems with my hubby's moods too over the years and am still going through them. This one is the biggest baby of the house. When he wants something out of me he is the sweetest of all. When he is in a great mood he is the most demanding. When he is in the mellow mood he is like a puppy dog wagging his tail around me. But when he has had couple of drinks then I do not want to be around him. That is when most of our fights and arguments flare up. It is at these times that he seems to forget I am a woman who is going through similar mood swings with my estrogen peaks and lows.

From my experiences with my husband, I have found that sometimes men can be a bit sneaky when it comes to telling us what they want. By this I mean that they are not transparent like some women can be. For example, sometimes if a woman wants a new dress or a special dinner or gift, she may first act sweet until she reveals her desire. When she is ignored she might set her foot down and tells about it directly. And then when she is still ignored she might fight and cry. Then comes the part where she just stops communicating.

Men have their subtle ways in expressing their own demands until they are met. If you notice it always starts with "Honey, do you need any help in the kitchen?" or "How about you sit here in the sofa watching TV and I go fetch some wine for you?" or "Just don't worry about dinner tonight, we will order some pizza so you can relax and take it easy". At times, it feels to me that some of these tactics might be used a bit manipulatively.

On the other hand, try to reach a man when he is watching his favorite game on TV. Try talking to him when he is in the middle of changing a tire. Try to call him at lunch hour or early evening hours. Try asking him to stop and buy a carton of milk and bread on the way home. Later in the evenings or weekends try catching up with him in the middle of a happy hour. You might get different treatments from him according to his moods. Many women are more than willing to wake up early, get the kids ready, drop them at school, go to work, and still be able to come home to prepare dinner while working on kids' projects, homework, and silly fights until bed time. When there is a little time left for yourself it probably goes for the dear hubby who might have been sitting there the whole time watching TV, drinking a beer, and maybe washing the dishes. Then there is the sad face that makes us melt when he says, "I came to you last night but you were already snoring, how could sleep like that?" And then there is the silence that follows for a day or two for skipping the night on them. There are those men who know what they are doing and play with our feelings to their advantage and then there are those who truly go through their own set of PMS problems and don't know what they are doing. So, next time your man gives you a unusual hug out of the blue and says "I love you honey", try to look into his face and search in his eyes before falling for that baby face and saying "Oooh, my poor baby". My take on this whole thing is to say either, "I love you too, honey" or "And the point is?" whether it is my kids or my husband because, my LIFE MATTERS.

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