How Long Did it Take You to Grow Up?

By SusanC HERWriter Guide

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I was reading an interesting article in the New York Times recently that talked about the generational differences between growing up now and growing up "back then". The gist of it all was that those before us grew up a lot faster. There’s probably a lot of merit to that but again, doesn’t it always seem that everything was better in the old days? Crime was less, people were nicer and everyone worked harder? I’m of that useless, unmotivated Gen X crowd and no doubt I’ll be boring my grandkids to death when I’m 75 about how much better we were then than they are now. Oh please, please don’t let me that kind of old lady!

But the article does have some valid points. Back in Gen X’s grandparents' day in America, unless they were working the family farm, people moved out after high school. They got married and set up house at the ages of 19 and 20. Many had completed their families by the time they were 25. They were grandparents by their late 40s and remained in the same job (if they could) until retirement. For many, there were no "careers" and no such thing as "job satisfaction". Satisfaction came from knowing the kids were fed and the mortgage was being paid. Disposable income went into war bonds and other savings and a sense of entitlement was rare. People worked due to need. Debts were paid off and no one filed bankruptcy because they bought a six bedroom home they couldn’t afford or insisted on a wardrobe fit for a (drama) queen.

Lest this all sounds like heaven on earth – it wasn’t. There’s no such thing. Women had few rights, could be fired for getting married or pregnant and the glass ceiling was also a glass front, back and sides. Kids were not spared the rod and life could be stifling, filled with societal rules that we giggle about now.

Fast forward to now – I’m not about to bash my own generation, nor the one after me. We work hard, we have created a world of technology one could only dream of 50 years ago and we know our rights (and the rights of others) and we’re not going to back down in order to get them! But I think we can admit that we also work for our wants, as well as our needs. We love our gadgets, our vacations and our designer trinkets. What was a luxury back in the day now seems almost a necessity. But in the end, the main difference between generations is time.
But leaving all this aside – why are we taking longer to tackle the big things in life – moving out, college, careers and families? Reasons abound. About half of us head to university but many of us have to pay for it ourselves while also working. Finishing our education while in our 30's isn’t that surprising anymore. We also want to travel the world a little and broaden our horizons. Why not spend a few years doing that before college? Marriage? That’s optional and so are kids. It’s no longer an epic tragedy to see a “childless couple”. Many people happily choose a life without children. And those of us who take that marriage/kid route? We’re older – a lot older. Not because we can’t find the right person, but because we’re choosing a career over kids until we’re truly ready and we also want a few years with our partners so that we don’t feel resentful for losing our youth to childcare. Our kids matter, but so do we. We’re also better off financially and more emotionally ready, if we wait. Or at least I fell into those categories. Most of my girlfriends did too.

Me? I couldn’t wait to get out of the house and live abroad. I did it at a shockingly young age and never looked back. But many of us also live with our parents into our late 20's. We want to save for a house (and we need a huge down payment due to the housing mess) and roommates are hard to keep since everyone moves around so much anymore.

But while we may take longer to "grow up" – are we also less mature? Have we put everything on the back burner to simply fly by the seat of our pants and have fun? Or are we smart – taking things slowly until we’re ready to truly commit? Is it possible that all this waiting to grow up is more responsible than rushing into what our culture deems appropriate?

For more on The New York Times story, click here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/us/13generations.html?src=me&ref=general

I was destined to take forever to grow up. I may not even be there yet! How about you?

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.