Is Your Man Afraid of Commitment?

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You and your guy have been dating for a while, and you’re thinking that this is it: he’s the one! Yet you’re not sure if he’s feeling the same. When you’ve asked him about his level of commitment, he reassures you that he loves you. Yet, his actions are making you doubt that you’re sharing the same level of commitment. How can you tell for sure?

If your man is not ready to commit, he will tell you so – but you need to listen carefully, catch the signs, and ask yourself the following questions:

How much does your man share with you about himself? Do you know his likes and dislikes, his past hurts and successes? If he does not openly share personal, intimate information about himself with you, then this may not be the right man for you. By being cautious and keeping you out of his life, he is giving you the message that you do not count – you are not that significant to him.
Have you been home to meet the family yet? Have you met his children from prior relationships? If not, then he is not committed to you. Many men will only introduce women to their families when they believe they have met The One.
Do you feel like your man is withholding information from you or being secretive about where he is going and with whom? If so, then you have a problem. If a partner needs to keep a private “free” schedule, he is telling you, in no uncertain terms, that he does not want to be tied down to you. If he tells you he is going on vacation to think about your relationship, you can be pretty sure, he is probably going with someone else. He is telling you that your relationship is not relevant, and therefore, neither are you.
Does your mate hold your hand lovingly in public, or does he create a physical space between you while you walk together? Does he happily take you out on dates, or does he regularly prefer to wine and dine you only at home? He may be sending you a signal that he does not want to be seen with you. If your relationship feels like you are holding hands, and if you let go, he’ll be gone… then you are definitely in denial.

There is a relationship maxim that states: men think women won’t change, and they do; women always think they can change men, and they can’t. If your man tells you he’s not interested in you, believe him.

Women tend to rationalize why their dates don’t introduce them to family, why they create physical distance when in public and why their men may not share personal information with them. However, it is important that you listen to your inner-voice: what does your gut tell you about this man? If you have doubts about his commitment, and you are seeing some of the behavior listed above, then trust your instincts. What your man may be trying to tell you is that while he likes you, he does not love you – and his level of commitment is not the same as yours.

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Dr. Gail Gross Ph.D. Ed.D. Expert View Profile Send Message

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.