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Are you Sexually Fulfilled in Your Relationship? Take the Sexual Satisfaction Quiz

 
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Current sex research shows that there are strong positive associations between sexual satisfaction and overall relationship satisfaction. In fact, when couples are feeling sexually dissatisfied in their relationships, “marital-therapy that focuses on nonsexual relationship issues results in significant increases in sexual satisfaction.” (Source below). This can be generalized to include non-married couples as well.

Communication is definitely the key to long-term happiness, and it continues to be the link between both relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. In a recent survey of adults over 45 years of age, “roughly two-thirds report they discuss sexual satisfaction with their partner, but only about half say they are satisfied with their sex life.”

What would help increase satisfaction with sex?

Regardless of age, those with a regular sex partner are more satisfied with their sex life than those who do not have a regular sex partner, according to the research. (Source below). Other factors include: “better health for themselves or their partner, less stress, and more initiative from their partner when it comes to having sex”. Fortunately, only 4 percent of men and women surveyed stated the reason for their sexual dissatisfaction was “wanting a different partner”, and only 2 percent wanted “more partners”.

When women are concerned about the “lack of sexual satisfaction” in their relationship, what are they really worried about?

Many women and men are concerned about their overall sex life once the frequency declines. Prior to this occurring, satisfaction may be declining, but it is difficult to pinpoint exactly what is wrong; it is difficult to explain to our partner what it is that we need. We tell our partners that we are “not satisfied” in global, all-or-nothing phrases, but it is much easier to try to improve smaller aspects of a relationship when you are not feeling like “everything” is wrong. There are many types of sexual satisfaction, and by identifying your needs, it may be easier to talk with your partner.

To identify your needs, use the questions below as a “self quiz” to determine what aspects of your sexual relationship are fulfilling, and what areas you would like to improve.

Sexual Satisfaction “Quiz”
For questions 1 and 2, use the rating scale below:
1=very satisfied, 2=mostly satisfied, 3=somewhat satisfied, 4=seldom satisfied, 5=not at all satisfied

1. Rate your Physical Sexual Satisfaction

  • variety of sexual activities
  • type of foreplay
  • type of afterplay
  • physical sensations from touching
  • physical discomfort
  • feelings of sexual arousal
  • risk of disease or pregnancy
  • reaching climax (orgasm)
  • frequency of sexual activities

2. Rate your Emotional Sexual Satisfaction

  • level of affection expressed during sexual activities
  • amount of spontaneity in sex life
  • degree of privacy you and your partner have for sexual activities
  • engaging in sexual acts that you dislike but your partner enjoys
  • degree of emotional intimacy (feeling close, sharing feelings)
  • communicate with each other about sex
  • who initiates
  • how partner responds to your sexual advances
  • feeling sexually desirable

3. Rate your Overall Relationship
Rate each choice below with 5 as the strongest, and 1 as the lowest

  • very good............5....4....3....2....1....very bad
  • very pleasant.......5....4....3....2....1....very unpleasant
  • very positive.......5....4....3....2....1....very negative
  • very satisfying....5....4....3....2....1....very unsatisfying
  • very valuable......5....4....3....2....1....worthless

4. Identify your Scores

  • What area did you rate with a high (positive) rating?
  • What areas did you rate with a low (negative) rating?
  • What other physical factors are missing (for you/your partner) from this list?
  • What other emotional factors are missing (for you/your partner) from this list?

Once you identify your scores, you can find specific areas to discuss with your partner, instead of “global” complaints that can lead to defensiveness and frustration. You can also focus on the positive and satisfying aspects of your sex life, as many times we focus narrowly on a few physical satisfaction aspects, and forget entirely that we may be emotionally satisfied sexually. When you talk with your partner about your sexual satisfaction, be sure to “sandwich” just one “needs improvement” item between two “positive” items for better results, as it is a message that would be easier to receive and discuss. Avoid laundry lists of the negative, and just mention one or two aspects that you feel would greatly improve your sex life with your partner, and be open to receive similar feedback!

I would love to hear your stories, and hear your “scores”. Are you planning to talk with your partner about your sexual satisfaction, and if so, are you willing to have your partner take the quiz as well?

References:

  • (2004). Sexuality at Midlife and Beyond, AARP.
  • Lawrence and Byers. (1995). The Interpersonal Exchange Model of Sexual Satisfaction.
  • Lawrence and Byers. (1998) The Global Measure of Sexual Satisfaction (GMSEX).

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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