Getting Over Your Ex: What Not To Do

First of all, thank you all SO MUCH for being such thoughtful, caring women! The fact that you all even bother to read and reflect and respond to this article is so incredibly wonderful.

Secondly, I am SO SORRY if I have offended anyone with the What Not To Wear Analogy - let me explain how I came up with this:

* First, I think that show is funny and in so many ways I'm so amazed that, as a woman, I have so many people to turn to when I'm concerned about my fashion sense, my hair or my makeup and SO FEW to turn to - so little displayed in real life or in the media - about internal operations - emotions, the complexities of relationships. So I was coming from a place of trying to be a little bit tongue in cheek and sort of funny (sorry if it fell flat) and also point out albeit in a round about way that we have all these shows and information about what or what not to do about fashion but very little in the way of real, deeper problems.

* Second - thanks SO MUCh to Susan Cody - I really appreciate you're trying to represent the analogy and put me back on the side of the women in this forum. BECAUSE I WRITE FOR YOU and FOR ME and FOR US - I am never happy if I feel I am alienating a woman.

* Third - to the author of the comment about straight versus lesbian or gay breakups - I agree with you. As a straight woman I am coming from that perspective and it is narrow compared with all the variations which exist. Thank you for pointing out the differences and maybe I will research an article which expands on this.

Finally, every woman is unique, special and important and valuable. Every woman has the right to deal with her break up in her own way and in her own time. This article was merely a window into some wisdom that I've heard about, read about and acquired myself over the course of my lifetime - it is by no means the only route to healthy living.

Thanks again for your insights.

Aimee

I didn't get a chance to read it now but printed it and will read it later. Thank you!

I think Lesbian and straight women face breakups differently. I think there should be a separate article about breaking up for gay couples and straight couples. Issues with men often deal with our relationship with our fathers, past violence in our relationships. Statistics show that most domestic violence is between men and women. Lesbian couples have their own issues. I would probably read both articles but doing a one size fits all approach by lumping all women getting over their "ex", you are over generalizing and unable to get too specific without "excluding" one group or another. Focus on one kind of ex! It's easier to understand and relate!

Yeah, lets equate the way we treat people with the way that consumerism and fashion works. That has got to be good for humanity.

I am going through I divorce right now. I don't even know if he has accepted email service from my attorney yet. I have not contacted him.

Yes, it does hurt, even though I had valid reasons for leaving. I am a abused woman and I seem to stay within that realm with men. This one was not physically abusive; however, the mental abuse and control, spending my money. I finally realized, it would not stop. Then I found out from my dear friend, a friend in common, that he has always been this way. Now she tells me.

I do not expect to maintain any kind of relationship. It would only also my emotions to fester and never heal.

eurgh... FINE ill stop wearing his hoody.
(im wearing it now)
its a comfort thing.
we talk most days, we are friends, its hard though. way too hard.
my only other ex is one of my best friends however.
But i don't have a single romantic feeling for him left, this is the exception.
however the guy who the hoody belongs to, well and truly broke my heart :(
it still hurts every day a lot. i know i need to move on and deserve better.
im sick of making excuses for him and procrastinating moving on.
im amazing, and well, if he cant see that, then hes just plain crazy. :]

good advice, but what happens when that bed buddy doesn't go away and you don't have the strength to ever say because you are so in love and hope that this man will wake up once day (even after a year has gone by or more)and realize you are the one for him? and not some *bit*** he lays eyes on for one second and dropped her more times than you can count on two hands? then what? Good post btw.

Dear Anonymous,

The pain of a breakup can be truly traumatic. If health insurance and/or costs are reasonable to allow it, finding a good counselor is a FANTASTIC way to work through the issues that are still bringing pain into your life. It's a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek out assistance when your emotional issues are interfering with your daily life. I highly recommend this and in many cases it can be short term - just a three or six month period of time to sort through some "stuff" which may alleviate a lot of your pain.

Peace and Wellness.

Aimee