Love is Not Just a Feeling--It Requires Actualization

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At the time you decided to be a couple, married or not, you must have experienced this heady, most wonderful feeling of love towards each other. There wasn’t another person in the world that seemed as fabulous to you as your new love partner. You called each other multiple times a day, you made love at every occasion, and you touched, hugged and kissed and couldn’t imagine a life without each other.

Then, one day you woke up and wondered where had it all gone? How come there were no sparks left? You rarely spent time together. Communication was down to a bare minimum. Little by little the life source of love had been lost. While you still lived under the same roof and shared the same bed, you no longer shared each other. Often you wondered, is it time to quit and find someone else?

In the majority of relationships the problem is not that the partner has changed completely, which is an excuse we often hear. Circumstances change; people rarely do. If you took the time then to really get to know your partner, the most likely probability is that neither of you put enough time or caring into nourishing your love. Love is not just a feeling. It requires actualization--time, caring, and actively trying to make the other happy.

If you want love back, start with an inner decision to realign your current negative beliefs. Be truly ready to wipe the slate clean on which are written all the things that are wrong with your partner. Drop your prejudices about each other and reassign your time and energies to love inducing priorities.

Here’s how:
1. Commit to re-energize your alliance.
2. Be really open with each other. Give each other at least 15 minutes a day to be in each other’s life. Talk from the heart and never bring up a single accusation. Avoid phrases such as “you always”. Instead say what you feel.
3. Empty your emotional basket filled with grievances. Stored anger is destructive to both partners. Day by day it wears the relationship down and drives you further apart, leaving each of you isolated and damaged. Instead forgive yourself and your partner. Just this simple act will ignite joy in your heart and a sense of being closer.
4. Write down what’s lovable about your partner; what you admire, what you find special, all that’s endearing or sexy or reinforcing and exchange the loving list.
5. Do some of the things you used to do together. Maybe visit the place where you had your first date. Review the pictures of the happy beginning. Reread the letters you sent each other. The feelings of love will re-emerge and grow as you actualize your deeds and make each other feel loved.
6. No Valentine chocolates or flowers can equal the happiness you can offer each other if you have the willingness to take the steps required to rekindle your love. Let your heart speak. Commit to each other. Give each other the most precious gift of all; the time, the caring, the little gestures every day that say “I appreciate you”. A loving e-mail can do it, a touch, a kiss in the morning when you part, the look in your eyes that says “I love you. You are important to me.” The power of love is within you.

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Jacqui Brandwynne View Profile

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.