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Apparently, a woman in Ohio wants a husband very badly. Audrey Scott was so desperate that she called 911 five times in the space of an hour, demanding that someone find her a husband. She was ultimately jailed for three days on a class 4 misdemeanor for her actions. Taking full responsibility, she admitted she had been drinking, but it was apparent that her single status has been on her mind for some time. Most people have found her story to be a mix of annoyance that she wasted the services of 911 this way, and a little laughter over the kind of "emergency" she claimed she had.
This story made me wonder, however, about the apparent urgency many women still have over finding a husband. In this day and age, when many women (and men) choose not to marry at all, or simply room with their partners, there is still an overwhelming desire for many to get married, and a near panic when time passes with no husband in sight. I saw a commercial recently from T-Mobile where one young woman promises to add her grandmother to her calling plan, on the premise that she’ll stop nagging her to get a husband. “She’s 35!,” says the grandmother.
Apparently there's a magic age to get married and an age (she’s 35!) that signals a woman needs to worry that Mr. Right isn't trotting up the aisle.
But milestone ages like 25, 30 and 40 certainly seem to give many women (and those who nag them) food for thought. Why am I not married? Am I not worthy? Jane Smith got married last year and she only has four teeth! Family and friends aren’t usually much help. They can pry and nag, assuming their loved-one must be doing something wrong. She won’t try, she won’t dress up, she’s too picky. About that last one – making a legal and social commitment to be with someone for life, as well as possibly having and raising children together would tend to make one (hopefully) rather picky. Would it be better to find someone at a rave and announce a pregnancy six weeks later? And how come we don’t pick on the single guys so much? How come they get to be bachelors and women get to be spinsters?
Articles on the internet include instructions on how to find a husband, including many "don'ts". Don’t look for a man in bar (I know several people who found their spouses in a bar), don’t date via work situations (I know several of those too, including when I look in the mirror) and don’t log onto those awful dating websites, full of losers and married guys wanting a quickie (I have been to the weddings of those who found love this way.)
The truth is that most of us can find a husband if we want to, and there are no hard and fast rules on how to do it. Or at what age. First, we need to ignore the noise from well-meaning loved ones. What we also need to do is throw away the ridiculous lists of things we want in man (and most of us have a list, no matter what we say) and open our minds a bit. Stop criticizing a date because we didn’t like his shirt or we think he may be a baldy-in-training. Let’s be picky about things that actually matter. If we don’t like men who are all about looks in a woman, then we need to be the same way, including fretting over the size of his wallet. Another thing is not to fling ourselves at every man who smiles at us. Sometimes a smile is just a smile.
Finding a husband isn’t even on the radar of some women and why should it be? But for those who want to make it official, leaving the petty lists at home, along with our egos, can open our minds a bit to the possibilities of a co-worker, a dating website, a matchmaker and yep – even a bar or restaurant. The great thing about love is that the possibilities are endless - and for straight and gay women alike. The same issues are the same for a woman looking for a wife. It's a man's world no longer, when it comes to getting hitched.
Marriage does not guarantee happiness and singledom doesn't mean loneliness or sadness. For those with family and friends who believe an unmarried life is some sort of felony - you can check out these great comebacks here: http://www.keepersoflists.org/index.php?lid=3098
Just one more piece of advice: don’t use 911 as your matchmaker. That’ll put you in the court system and one thing I can say for sure is that’s not the best place to look for love.
Where did you meet your spouse? If you haven't - do you want to? Or feel pressure to?
Add a Comment1 Comments
Susan - I was appalled when I read the news story about this woman, then felt sad for her in being so desperate that she would get drunk and call 911 with her "emergency." I thought we had moved past the notion that "a woman is nothing without a man" a long time ago. Certainly there is a lot of data today on the ways women have advanced in life, including obtaining higher levels of education; gaining a wider variety of choices in ways to be economically self-sufficient and even trends that show women are remaining single, by choice, for a longer period. This level of desperation is baffling, just like calling 911 for anything other than a real emergency.
June 9, 2010 - 6:50pmThis Comment