Facebook Pixel

Your Orgasm to Order: 5 Steps to Becoming More Sexually Conversant

By HERWriter
 
Rate This
Sex & Relationships related image Photo: Getty Images

Whether it is in a restaurant or in the bedroom, some women have no qualms about asking for exactly what they want – and getting it – while some of us are a little more hesitant when it comes to describing the specific way we want our omelet cooked.

Yes, I just used egg preparation to represent sexual activity. You’re welcome.

In theory, every empowered feminist/activist/advocate knows how important it is to communicate and stand up for her needs, no matter the setting.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t make it any easier for many of us to ask for what we need. Especially in a sexual situation.

Luckily for those of us who are unsure about the least awkward way to be a self-advocate in bed; practice makes perfect. Note: this advice also applies to creating the perfect omelet.

Below are five steps shy women can take in order to articulate their way to orgasm:

1. Know what you want. If you haven’t spent enough time perusing the menu, you will be hopeless when it is your turn to order. Before you invite a partner to become intimate, get to know your own body and what makes you feel good. Explore your erogenous zones, experiment with new sensations, and get comfortable with the idea and practice of pleasure.

2. Practice the vocabulary. Many of us feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to use sexually charged or anatomical words out loud. When you are alone, practice describing out loud the details of your aroused body , no matter how strange it sounds: “My vagina is wet right now.” “This is my clitoris.” Get used to the descriptors and the nouns – remember your genitalia are just another crucial part of your body. No need to be frightened!

3. Talk to yourself. Once you are comfortable speaking about your arousal, practice describing out loud what makes your body feel good. Start with simple "I statements": “I feel turned on when..." “I love when …” “I feel good when …” Make sure to be specific in your description – don’t shy away from using the anatomy terms you rehearsed in step 2.

4. Graduate to "The Ask".

Add a CommentComments

There are no comments yet. Be the first one and get the conversation started!

Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.

ASK

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!