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How Much Sex is Enough?

By HERWriter
 
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"Sex is as essential as eating or breathing," Jodi Dahlgren, a therapist at Calgary's Hersh Centre for Sexual Wellness, told More Magazine. It can be one of the biggest issues in a marriage, said WCCO-TV.

How much sex is enough to keep everyone happy?

YourTango.com turned to the Kinsey Institute, and found that 13 percent of married couples have sex a few times per year, 45 percent a few times per month, 34 percent two to three times per week, and 7 percent have it four or more times per week.

That said, Health.com wrote there’s no magic number of times per month or week that a couple “should” have sex. For a relationship to stay healthy for the long haul, both partners need to know each other’s sexual needs and put in the effort to meet those needs.

The University of Chicago’s General Social Survey (GSS) found 15 percent of all marriages are essentially sex-less, with no sex over the past six months to a year, said WCCO-TV.

Eli Coleman, Ph.D., MED, Director of the Human Sexuality program at the University of Minnesota told WCCO-TV that research indicates with married couples there’s a drop-off after the first child. And another drop-off after the second child — and some couples never recover.

It's natural as our lives get busier for the frequency of sex to decrease, said More Magazine. But it's important for partners to be honest about how much sex would really keep each satisfied.

"There is no frequency per se that is wrong," Dr. Alina Wydra, registered psychologist, told More Magazine. "The problem is when partners' desires and needs are discrepant."

Carol Bruess, director of the Marriage and Family program at the University of St. Thomas reiterated to WCCO-TV that the number doesn’t matter, “as long as both partners are satisfied with the amount/frequency; the couple explicitly talks about it, they continue to talk about changing needs/aging/desires over time; and they seek outside assistance if they struggle with this important part of their relationship.”

According to YourTango.com, if both partners are happy, it’s enough. But if not, Health.com advised, have a frank talk about how much sex each of you really wants in order to remain happy in your relationship.

Be honest and open. And commit to making sex a priority at least a few times a month, even if that means you have to schedule it.

More Magazine cautioned to not wait until the problem is tearing apart your relationship before trying to solve it. Dr. Wydra and Dahlgren both recommend a sex or marriage therapist to help work through any issues.

Sources:

"Good Question: How Much Sex Is Enough? CBS Minnesota." CBS Minnesota. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Dec. 2012.
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2011/11/09/good-question-how-much-sex-is-enough

"How Much Sex Is Enough in a Relationship: Our Sexpert Weighs In - Sex Relationships - Health.com." Health.com: Fitness, Nutrition, Tools, News, Health Magazine. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Dec. 2012.
http://www.health.com/health/article/0,,20411791,00.html

"How Much Sex is Enough? Scientists Actually Have the Answer. - HealthPop - CBS News." Breaking News Headlines: Business, Entertainment & World News - CBS News. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Dec. 2012.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20029102-10391704.html

Rankin, Lissa. "Sexual Frequency: How Much Sex Is Enough? | YourTango." YourTango | Smart Talk About Love. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Dec. 2012.
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/lissa-rankin/sexual-frequency-how-much-sex-enough

Rollins, Kristen. "How Much Sex Is Enough? - Lemondrop.com." Women’s Issues, Advice and Personal Stories - HuffPost Women. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Dec. 2012.
http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/03/06/how-much-sex-is-enough

Tancock , Kat. "Sex: How to discuss how much is enough - Sex: How to discuss how much is enough - More magazine." More magazine - Celebrating Women Over 40. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Dec. 2012.
http://www.more.ca/relationships/married-life/sex-how-to-discuss-how-much-is-enough/a/36470

Reviewed December 20, 2012
by Michele Blakcsberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith

Add a Comment3 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My girl and I have been together for 4 years.
In that period of time, the number of times a week we have sex is around 3 to 7, sometimes more, rarely less. For us, we both know it's important to each other and ourselves. We both love sex, a lot! She's recently undergone a uterus operation, so it was off the menu for a while - at least vaginal. She was under absolutely no pressure whatsoever to have sex of any kind while recovering, but she almost cried when I said we didn't have to do anything. Not because she thought it was a kind gesture, but because she said she really loves giving oral to me, using her hands, etc. You get the picture. She said if we couldn't have sex, she'd be hurt because she loves showing me how much she loves me through it. I am not complaining!

I was previously married, for 15 years. The last 4 years or so of that marriage, there was absolutely zero sex, not even any affection - no kisses, no hugs, nothing. 3 years prior to the 4, I was lucky if it was 2 or 3 times a month. It eventually dwindled down to 2 or 3 times a year, with her telling me to hurry up and get it finished with so she could go watch the TV!

Needless to say, resentment built up and even though I loved my wife, I refused to stay in a marriage where there was clearly no affection of any kind! It was the right choice!

As a couple, you absolutely MUST treat each other like best friends, every-single-day! Respect, loyalty and understanding are key elements of communication. Thankfully I have that now with someone I love deeply and I wake up every day a very happy and lucky man!

November 16, 2015 - 5:40am

Enough is simply as much as you are satisfied with.

June 1, 2013 - 7:10am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Wow! Feel sorry for the 1st 2 groups. They are really missing out!

December 22, 2012 - 12:03pm
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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