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The definitive fake orgasm has to be the deli scene in “When Harry Met Sally.” Meg Ryan’s character demonstrates to Billy Crystal that women are much better at faking orgasms than men believe. While fake orgasms have been around a long time, people rarely talk honestly about them. The bottom line is one person is fooled and the other is left unsatisfied.
Various studies estimate 70 percent of women fake orgasms at some point. Some fake it regularly; others only sometimes. Guess what? Women aren’t the only ones faking it. Research at the University of Kansas made some interesting discoveries about both men and women’s sexual activity. Based on responses from male and female college students, of those who had had sex, nearly 30 percent of men reported faking an orgasm, compared to 67 percent of women.
Why do people fake orgasms? It happens for a number of reasons. Researchers have found the most reported reasons are:
Orgasm was unlikely. Sometimes it’s doesn’t happen. It seems to be more common among women, but it also occurs with men.
They wanted sex to end. Sometimes a partner will want to keep having sex until their partner finishes. A fake orgasm can bring a quick end to sex.
Not hurting feelings. A fake orgasm avoids the negative consequences of having another person feel badly they didn’t perform well enough to bring the other person to climax.
Pleasing their partner. For many, faking an orgasm shows you care about your partner’s feelings and self-esteem.
The University of Chicago’s 1994 survey, "Sex in America," reported less than one-third of females always orgasm during sex, compared to three-quarters of men. Thus another reason faking an orgasm can be more common among women.
Talking to your partner about faking it can start an important conversation. You can discuss what you’d like to change so neither partner feels they need to fake it anymore. First, be prepared for the truth. Then be prepared to do something about it if there is a problem. Have this frank and honest discussion in a nonjudgmental way. It has been proven time and time again that partners who regularly communicate openly and honestly have the best sex.
This situation can be difficult and embarrassing for both partners, but it’s certainly not the end of the world. In fact, it’s probably just the beginning. Deal with it in a positive way and you’ll both get positive results.
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