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Communication is the cornerstone to good sex. However, sex and relationship expert Dr. Laura Berman has noted that talking about sex with your partner can be daunting, even for couples who have been together a long time.
Knowing how to talk openly and comfortably can help solve sexual intimacy problems that arise in the normal course of a relationship, wrote HealthyPlace.com.
Dr. Berman recommended picking a neutral time and place when both partners can be relaxed and be totally open with each other. HealthyPlace.com advised to sit reasonably close and maintain eye contact. Be aware of your voice’s tone and volume.
SheWired.com advised that you really listen to your partner and avoid being judgmental.
Be honest, but also be kind, said Dr. Berman. You can be direct without being cruel.
For example, instead of saying, “I feel that our sex life is boring and you never do anything to make me feel attractive or special,” you can say, “I crave more excitement in our love life. I want to feel attractive and sexy, the way I used to feel when we had sex.”
Your partner is not a mind reader, Dr. Maureen Whelihan who works with couples at the Center for Sexual Health and Education, told WCNC.com.
SheWired.com wrote that you should be specific. If you want something in particular, say so. You’ll never know how your partner feels about something until you ask.
It’s also important to compromise and open your mind to things you might not have considered before.
When discussing sexual intimacy concerns, keep in mind that partners may feel scared, embarrassed or hurt, cautioned HealthyPlace.com. Emphasize what you like and what works well, before making a new request or sharing displeasure.
Give the appreciation you seek, wrote Dr. Berman. We all want to feel desirable and sexy, and yet we may rarely be giving our partners the support they need to feel that way.
The more we compliment them, the sexier they will feel, and vice versa.
Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work to develop new communication skills, said HealthyPlace.com. It takes time and a lot of practice to open up emotionally and discuss sex in safe and sensitive ways.
Relax. It’s just sex. Not brain surgery.
Try to enjoy talking about sex as much as you enjoy having it, advised SheWired.com.
If you put off telling your partner what you need, it will chip away at your happiness and your bond, said Dr. Berman. Although conversations about sex can be daunting, they are worthwhile and help lead to good sex.
Sources:
"Expert: Communication is key for a good sex life | WCNC.com Charlotte." Charlotte News, Weather, Traffic, Sports WCNC.com . N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Aug. 2012.
http://www.wcnc.com/news/local/Expert-Communication-is-key-for-a-good-sex-life--121414504.html
Cage, Diana. "SheWired - Good Communication Means Good Sex." SheWired - The World's Fastest Growing Site for Women Gay, Straight and In-between. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Aug. 2012.
http://www.shewired.com/g-spot/good-communication-means-good-sex
"Good Communication Is the Key to Intimacy." Love and Sex with Dr. Laura Berman. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Aug. 2012.
http://www.drlauraberman.com/relationships/committed-love/communication-key-to-intimacy
"Sex and Good Communication - HealthyPlace." HealthyPlace.com - Trusted Mental Health Information and Support - HealthyPlace. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Aug. 2012.
http://www.healthyplace.com/sex/good-sex/sex-and-good-communication
Silverberg, Cory. "Barriers to good sexual communication – Why it’s hard to talk about sex." Sexuality - About Sexual Pleasure and Sexual Health. N.p., n.d. Web. 1 Aug. 2012.
http://sexuality.about.com/od/communication/a/barriersex_talk.htm
Reviewed August 2, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith
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