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Me, First!: Selfishness in the Bedroom

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We think we're acting out our kinkiest fetish, our raciest dreams, our hottest imaginings. Of course we are, and, in the right setting, our creative sexual minds can spark enough to ignite a forest fire. How many of us, though, acknowledge some of those unmet needs we're acting out when we choose to throw an adult (and none too pretty) temper tantrum because we didn't get our way or, in order that we will get our way. Right away.

It's good to be selfish in bed to a certain degree. As in any other context, looking out for number one means we're not being taken advantage of, we're equal partners, we're strong in our vocalization of what is important to us. However, taken too far, this vocalization can turn into a childish wish for being the center of the known world; a frustrating wish to fulfill both for the giver and the receiver; there is only so much giving someone can do before they are tapped out and need to rest themselves.

For women, the choice to be selfish is often that; we're mostly worried about asking for certain sexual acts or fantasies or positions. Once we get going, though, we can be difficult to relate to and remaining in balance is a challenging task.
If you are a woman in a situation where your partner is the one being selfish, take some time to talk. This is always the benefit of a good relationship. If talking seems out of the question, then deeper problems are afoot and perhaps a little counseling may be in order.

Remember, wanting it, and wanting it NOW can be exciting - but there's a fine line between urgency and, well, bratty foot stomping. Unless bratty foot stomping is your goal and then you will enjoy every moment.

Aimee Boyle is a freelance writer and regular contributor to EmpowHer in sexual health and muscles. She lives on the Connecticut shoreline with her family.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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