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If a woman has a stash of condoms hidden by her bed that are easily accessible, do you think she may be slutty or perhaps “puts out” easily?
If a woman chooses to use hormonal birth control (pill, shot, ring), for the purpose of preventing pregnancy, does this mean she is more likely to say “yes” to sex?
There is a stigma placed on women who have “premeditated sex”; sex they have planned intentionally. Women who have made a conscious and deliberate decision to have sex are still not seen positively in our society.
This creates two problems. First, women do not feel that they can outwardly protect themselves from pregnancy or STD/STI (sexually transmitted diseases/sexually transmitted infections) by talking to their partners about birth control. There is just a quiet assumption that the women is on the pill. Condoms may or may not be used, and some feel they should not be supplied by the woman.
Secondly, with no preparation for condoms, there is also no communication about sexual expectations. Without premeditation, the opposite becomes reality: sex is unintentional or accidental.
Spontaneous, unintended or accidental sex has consequences, and provides instant excuses. The “moment” can be blamed, instead of the individual taking responsibility.
We see these same scenarios played out time and time again in popular media, providing further reinforcement:
Scenario 1: Premeditated sex is bland and predictable. It takes planning (make sure roommate is gone, kids are in bed, doors are locked, dogs are in a different room...). It takes preparation (condoms, lubrication, scented candles, clean room, shaved legs, clean breath, mood lighting). It is tiresome just getting ready, and the mood is lost. Or, the couple has sex while one of them is looking at the clock, wishing it were over, so they could move on to other "to do" items.
Scenario 2: Spontaneous sex is exciting and provocative. It evokes images of passion, romance, being “swept away”, letting go to the heat of the moment. Hormones can take over minds, bodies and spirits, and the feeling of having intimate, special moments between the couple results in fulfilling and satisfying sex.
The consequences of premeditated sex portrayed as unromantic and passionless, in addition to an act (perceived) to be used by "easy" women, creates a public health concern. Women who are unable to feel that they can plan for possible sex (by using birth control openly, having condoms available, choosing to communicate about intentions beforehand, making sure no interruptions could occur) is that it leaves the door open for many unintended consequences: sexually transmitted infections and diseases (STI, STD), accidental pregnancy and possibly even regret about the sexual encounter.
The only "crime" in premeditated sex: women are so afraid of being labeled that they put themselves at risk for an STD/STI or pregnancy.
It is time for women to take charge of taking care of themselves. Be prepared to have safer sex with condoms and birth control, as well as open communication beforehand. Label yourself as an intelligent and caring woman, and although being swept off your feet can be a powerful feeling, being a confident and prepared woman has even longer-lasting positive and powerful feelings.
- Do you think there is a stigma placed on women who have premeditated sex?
- Do you think women who do have condoms and plan ahead intentionally for sex are more likely to say "yes" to sex?
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