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Premeditated Sex: Is it a Crime?

 
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If a woman has a stash of condoms hidden by her bed that are easily accessible, do you think she may be slutty or perhaps “puts out” easily?

If a woman chooses to use hormonal birth control (pill, shot, ring), for the purpose of preventing pregnancy, does this mean she is more likely to say “yes” to sex?

There is a stigma placed on women who have “premeditated sex”; sex they have planned intentionally. Women who have made a conscious and deliberate decision to have sex are still not seen positively in our society.

This creates two problems. First, women do not feel that they can outwardly protect themselves from pregnancy or STD/STI (sexually transmitted diseases/sexually transmitted infections) by talking to their partners about birth control. There is just a quiet assumption that the women is on the pill. Condoms may or may not be used, and some feel they should not be supplied by the woman.

Secondly, with no preparation for condoms, there is also no communication about sexual expectations. Without premeditation, the opposite becomes reality: sex is unintentional or accidental.

Spontaneous, unintended or accidental sex has consequences, and provides instant excuses. The “moment” can be blamed, instead of the individual taking responsibility.

We see these same scenarios played out time and time again in popular media, providing further reinforcement:

Scenario 1: Premeditated sex is bland and predictable. It takes planning (make sure roommate is gone, kids are in bed, doors are locked, dogs are in a different room...). It takes preparation (condoms, lubrication, scented candles, clean room, shaved legs, clean breath, mood lighting). It is tiresome just getting ready, and the mood is lost. Or, the couple has sex while one of them is looking at the clock, wishing it were over, so they could move on to other "to do" items.

Scenario 2: Spontaneous sex is exciting and provocative. It evokes images of passion, romance, being “swept away”, letting go to the heat of the moment.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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