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Sex for Chores: Why Women Sleep With Men

 
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Cindy Buston and David Buss have authored a new book entitled "Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)" that claims to do exactly what it suggests. It researches and explores the many reasons why women have sex. And according to the authors, it's not just because they like having sex.

It could be to help a headache, keep the peace in a relationship, exact revenge, even relieve boredom. A review in FitGloss reports that "84 percent admitting to having sex just to ensure a conflict-free relationship or to bargain for household chores." One in ten women in one of the authors' studies said they had had sex for presents. Furthermore - and this almost had me choking on my morning orange juice - having sex to fulfill romance and passion is low on the list of women's reasons.

I don't object to the content of the book - I haven't read it and I think reviewing the many and complicated reasons why women have sex. But the results also shed light on something a little less than wonderful. So many of the reasons why women are engaging in sex with men is to gain control or power over their relationship. Women have sex to get men to help with chores or as a tool for maintaining a peaceful relationship. Apparently many women have learned that it's their only way to get certain kinds of messages understood or even their desires (outside the bedroom) implemented. If he won't listen? Have sex with him.

Perhaps you're familiar with the Old Greek Comedy, Lysistrata. The play is named after the heroine, who convinces the women of Greece to withhold sex from their husbands in order to force them into negotiating a peaceful end to The Peloponnesian War.

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

This is a perfect example of why marriages lose their passion. There is a perfect example of what I am talking about in this article- http://www.holisticwisdom.com/blow-job.htm

October 15, 2009 - 10:57am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

This sounds, I hate to say it, very American. Is the research based on a cross-cultural study? I have lived in the U.S., and in Europe and in North Africa. I am happy to report that women outside the U.S. are having sex for romance, passion, and procreation, as well as chores and the like. Women in the U.S., if the woman in the study are from the U.S., as I suppose, have inadvertently stumbled upon George Bernard Shaw's feminist view of marriage. The researchers seem to have unwittingly found out, moreover, that the marxist-feminist critique of the commodification of sex in marriage (see, e.g., Engels on the role of marriage in furthering the institution of private property) has been adopted in the U.S. as what anthropologists would call a "folk theory" as well as a folk practice. That is, sex has a certain exchange value not just in, for example, prostitution, but in the every day lives of women who would abhor that their lives actually institute a radical critique of the institution of marriage. These women may not be feminists, in other words, but they exemplify the usefulness and bring a certain realism, in fact, to well known feminist critiques.

September 17, 2009 - 7:08pm

Yes, Kellie I totally agree - it's very idealistic to ask or expect women to be able to have the time to have sex for themselves. Not everyone has the luxury of making time for things that aren't career or economic or family oriented. I guess what I still hope for is that we can be a support network for other women and remind them that that aspect of pleasure and desire is always there and that all women DESERVE to have access to that. No woman should ever feel that her needs ands wants come second to her partner's and I think often times that's the message we receive.

September 17, 2009 - 5:47pm

Interesting post, and no surpise to me! Chatting with friends who have young children their priorities are not sex. They are managing a house, family and work etc.

You said, "to take time to have sex for themselves.". That sounds nice, but considering sex involves another person its not realistic to be that simple. Relationships are more complex than that.

September 17, 2009 - 5:09pm

It is a man's job to feed a woman on all levels during LOVE MAKING- and in return he is fed by her and both are fulfilled.

I find that many people do not know the difference between sex and making love, because sex is the patriarchal term and making love the balanced term.

Having sex with one's partner in order to get chores done is so belittling of oneself.

Both men and women have been conditioned to conquer rather than to Love.

September 17, 2009 - 2:44pm

According to Taoist Sexology, it's the man's job to keep his woman healthy, happy, and satisfied. Marriage means focusing on your partners needs for healing. Most men still think like single people after marriage; they believe sex is only for pleasure (and procreation.) Afterall, that's what's taught in school. The ancient schools of sexology teach us that partner's must focus on healing each other, therefore, orgasm is a by product, not the the ultimate goal. The man's responsibility is to take his woman through all 9 levels of orgasm to completely satisfy her, or else the woman will only be interested in bartering.

September 17, 2009 - 2:05pm
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