Neverending

I began having panic attacks in the fall of 1995. At that time my whole life was falling down around me. Problems with my marriage, son, daughter and mother. I felt I was dealing with problems that I could never solve. At first I never gave these attacks much thought until my mother's health began to decline and again I was feeling helpless. My son wouldn't speak to me and my daughter was pregnant and moved in with her boyfriend. I had to quit my job as a nurse as I got so I couldn't drive 2 blocks and a panic attack would begin. I've since had my mother pass away and also my oldest brother. I almost lost my husband twice in 2008 from a bowel rupture and a major car accident. I've had to take care of him plus my grand daughter who moved in with us due to her dad putting her into foster care. All of a sudden I was plunged into being a mom again, even though I had such hopes that having her here would give me something else to think about but no, she had her emotional problems and needed help with that. Now, my husband has heart failure and so, more stress and worries are with me daily. I am getting afraid to leave my house and have to rely on medication to function even with that, it doesn't always help. I've seen 5 doctors in the last 10 years and I am so tired of getting that look when I tell them I have this anxiety disorder. Tired of being treated like a non-person. I've seen a psychologist and did for a whole year and I wasn't feeling any better so came right out and asked him if he was going to be able to help me and he told me no. I saw a pychiatrist who only sat and never offered any help but gave me a script for an anti-depressant and told me that his office, where there are social workers etc. wouldn't mind if I wanted to see one of them. What a cool way of giving me the brush off. I left feeling very alone and that there wasn't anyone who gave a damn. I also have high blood pressure which is never under control and I blame that on the anxiety. I am tired of living and want some peace. This is NOT living. My husband would like to take some short trips but I can't for knowing I couldn't be home would cause a panic attack. I am hopeless and tired.