Don't be a Martyr Mommy: Why Downtime is a Good Time for Mom

By SusanC HERWriter Guide

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I have to say that until recently, even as a parent, I didn't understand why mothers and fathers celebrated back-to-school day so much. If you don't want your kids around, why have them, I thought.

But this year I have second, third and fourth graders heading back to school. It has been a long, long summer with no camps, not much babysitter help and as a work-from- home parent. And this time I'm looking forward to school being in like fish crave water!

Being a work-from-home parent with kids in school all day is a vacation in a way. A cleaner house all day and ... some silence! A kind of peace that allows one to focus, concentrate and get more work done in an hour that seems humanly possible.

It's almost like downtime but not really -- downtime is when it's all about feeling good, feeling calm, relaxed and then subsequently invigorated. And sometimes it hasn't much to do with work or kids.

A happy wife and mother makes a happy family. A cliché, perhaps, but one with merit. "Martyr mommies" are rarely really happy and nor are those that surround them.

Here are some ways that working and stay-at-home moms can have time to themselves, that will make them and their families a lot happier in the long run.

A time out, even with your kids, is vital. According to an EmpowHER article "Mommy Time and Family Vacation Time Essential to a Healthy Family", writer Darlene Oakley found research that validates this.

Oakley wrote, "“Refusing to take time off burns people out and wreaks havoc on productivity. Vacation deprivation is one reason workers are reporting more mistakes, anger, and resentment at co-workers, according to the Families & Work Institute”— and the same can be said about the way we treat our spouses and our children and other important people in our lives."

But time out just for mothers is also important. Reading in a quiet coffee shop, surfing the web for fun, a glass of wine with a good friend, spa treatments, playing sports or other activities (including a long nap or a movie in bed with no one banging on the door!) ... These activities shouldn't be a rarity. They should be weekly or twice weekly if possible.

Taking a few hours doesn't make a woman a bad mother, it makes her a better one. A mother who is tied to her children (or work and children) 24/7 will burn out and may ultimately crumble from the stress.

Don't call it "mom-time!" the website SheKnows.com encourages, call it "me-time." This is when mothers need to put the kids on the back burner temporarily and make a few short hours all about themselves. Stop being Mom for a while!

The website talked to Kristen Brown, founder/president of Happy Hour Effect, about "me-time" for moms and the fact that guilt can sometimes get in the way.

"In today's world mommy and daddy guilt runs rampant. We feel guilty for working all week so [then we] feel bad finding babysitters for our kids so we can take me-time for ourselves," said Brown.

"But taking me-time to pursue your dreams benefits kids because when they spend time with other caregivers, they are learning to forge new one-on-one relationships with others."

There are great ways to find downtime for mothers. Local community or recreation centers have lots of free or low-priced activities. Gyms offer many classes, and free walking groups abound. A Google search with your zip code can easily locate these.

Wine enthusiast clubs, reading or writing groups, food and cultural societies and a plethora of others can be found on sites like meetup.com/

And if moms are not out to find something new, they can always arrange regular rendezvous with friends, co-workers or romantic partners to get in some of that precious me-time, so that they return to their families and children a more refreshed and enthusiastic person to be around.

Sources:

Empowher.com. Parenting. Mommy Time and Family Vacation Time Essential to a Healthy Family. Web. Retrieved August 28th, 2013.
https://www.empowher.com/parenting/content/mommy-time-and-family-vacatio...

Sheknows.com. Parenting. "It’s “me” time, not “mom” time". Web. Retrieved August 28th, 2013.
http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/965523/its-me-time-not-mom-time

Reviewed August 29, 2013
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.