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There exists what I’d like to call the PHFBP, or the professional, high-functioning bipolar patient.
When looking at the PHFBP, it would appear that he faces few problems. He is compliant in his treatment. He is successful in his job; he may be married and have children; he has friends, and in essence, he is happy. For the therapist, this patient might be called "the model patient." In reality, although this patient is seen as a "model" patient, he still must cope with several, important life issues. (I know because I’m a PHFBP and have been one for several years.)
The issues are as follows:
1. Do I really need to take my meds?
Medication is a sticky subject. It’s usually visible, either sitting out or in a cabinet, just sitting there for any nosey guest to come along and read the bottle. Medication also can put on the pounds, like around 50. It’s a hassle to take it every day. A nuisance. Life would be much easier without it. Wouldn’t it?
2. Should I "come out" in my family, the neighborhood or at work?
I really want to tell people, but I’m afraid of the after effects. Will they lose trust in me? I feel like an imposter, like I can’t truly be myself. Who am I, really?
3. Can I take (normal and not-so-normal) risks?
I know that if I go to New York City, it might set me off. But I love New York City. There’s no other city like it. Should I go?
4. How do I cope if I start to get ill?
Who will watch my child? Can I work if I’m delusional? I’m in remission now, but there’s no cure to this thing. What will happen if I get sick?
5. Should I marry?
Who would want to marry me? How can I trust a total stranger?
6. Should I have/raise children?
Will I pass the illness to my child? Will children be too much stress? Will anyone let me adopt?
7. How much responsibility can I handle at work?
I love what I’m doing, but I feel like I’m on a tightrope, like I might fall off at any minute. Should I ask for a promotion or stay where I am? Will more work make me sick?
8. How does my illness relate to my spirituality?
I once thought I was Jesus. Does this make me closer or farther from God? If I can’t get out of bed to go to church, will I be pardoned?
9. Will I become seriously ill again?
I can’t go back in the hospital. Someone will find out. I hate how in the hospital you can’t lock your door. Will I survive another hospitalization?
10. Should I be proud of myself?
Does my sickness make me stronger than the average person? If I show the world how well I am, will the sickness come back and bite me in the butt?
Yes, I know what you’re saying. "Life isn’t perfect." This is true. And this is my message for today.
Life isn’t perfect.
You can be a model patient, but you can still live precariously amidst numerous difficult issues.
All we can do is our best with what we are given.
I'm a PHFBP.
Are you?
Add a Comment56 Comments
it's the cultural personality split. There is no such thing as God as a separate. That is sort of like saying I Love and then being told that Love is a being of some kind. This is a perception that we have that is generated in being self reflective. We perceive ourselves as reflecting upon ourselves and this is illusionary. We reflect on events and perceive those events as us. the statement "I lift my arm" is an absurd statement based on just being sensical but these metaphorical constructs of the observer and actor independent of each other gives rise to this. this is culturally reinforced, so even the statement "I believe in God, or I do not believe in God" is ultimately completely absurd. It's a framework with no validity to it at all. God is a place holder word of experience so the very least the experience is true, exactly what that means is not fully understood except in context of connectedness at the deepest levels. A word that has no form at it's deepest levels with no clothing. For Bi polars the word God is a very real, but it needs to be understood holistically, and thus the paradigm of internal/external dualites need to be broken. This is not easy for most people, bipolars need to learn to re frame their experiences to that and be both logical and heartful. We need to learn to demystify reality, while most people are leaning to mystify reality. Atheists live in a the same framework as religious people, they apply mysticism to reality, The perceive that they are logical. HA......LOL.
November 17, 2009 - 12:23pmThis Comment
Read the Bible more and know, as it says, the Lord is never against a child who obeys and seeks after him! He delights in you. But honestly I would spend more time in the word so that you know the truth, even memorize scripture so that you know the feeling you have are not coming from God. The bible is here to to tell us the truth when our mind (satan, our sin) lies to us. Is the basics of spiritual warfare. You must allow yourself to be in the presence of god to be submerged in his truth and wisdom.
October 26, 2009 - 6:02pmThis Comment
Well, the word 'faith' means believing in what you can't see. That's the short answer. In truth, it's normal to be skeptical about a higher power. In fact, based on reality on Earth, it's darn near ABNORMAL, if numbers mean anything, to have an unfaltering relationship with God.
You may not adhere to this, but with God, I keep it basic and rational: HE is omnipotent and omnipresent, and as such, he's everywhere and in charge of all things. Mix that up with saying 'well, he's not in charge of ALL things, because some are bad'...
...and you lose me. They don't call him GOD for nothing. So to your question: keep it simple and kind. Thank Him when you can, lean on Him when you must, trust him if you can't quite find it in you that moment to thank him (the concept of 'trust' is hard--it'd require another long post) and you're going to be OK
April 13, 2009 - 6:28pmThis Comment
Well, the word 'faith' means believing in what you can't see. That's the short answer. In truth, it's normal to be skeptical about a higher power. In fact, based on reality on Earth, it's darn near ABNORMAL, if numbers mean anything, to have an unfaltering relationship with God.
You may not adhere to this, but with God, I keep it basic and rational: HE is omnipetent and omnipresent, and as such, he's everywhere and in charge of all things. Mix that up with saying 'well, he's not in charge of ALL things, because some are bad'...
...and you lose me. They don't call him GOD for nothing. So to your question: keep it simple and kind. Thank Him when you can, lean on Him when you must, trust him if you can't quite find it in you that moment to thank him (the concept of 'trust' is hard--it'd require another long post) and you're going to be OK.
April 13, 2009 - 5:32pmThis Comment
Oh, I totally hear you on that one! Before my mom got help via meds and therapy, she had major issues with this. I was shocked once when I went into her home and it was completely filled with religious icons, statues, crosses, paintings of Jesus, etc. It was crazy and really terrified me. Just like anything else I guess, religion can become an obsession, and it's probably easier to get sucked into it in a big way when you're already feeling helpless and out of control as it is. What helped my mom was simply the combination of therapy and meds. She's now able to enjoy a deeply (but not too deep!) satisfying relationship with God and loves her involvement in her church. I think once you have the confidence that you're receiving effective treatment, you can let yourself go a little and know you won't go off the deep end.
March 25, 2009 - 11:48amThis Comment
I find your questions, and answers, almost chilling in their brutal honesty. As a daughter of someone with bipolar disorder, your question #6 has haunted me for much of my life. My mother really shouldn't have had children. Much of my childhood was a roller coaster nightmare. And yet somehow I survived it intact, with my sanity.
March 24, 2009 - 10:35pmThis Comment