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Boyfriend really squimish about intamicy anytime near Menstruation

By Anonymous September 26, 2010 - 5:58pm
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My boyfriend and I have been for the most part happy for about 4 year. We do have one major issue and that is he is extremely squeamish about the topic of menstruation and incredibly uncomfortable doing anything too intimate while there is a chance of even the smallest spot of blood. We don't live together and often only spend nights on the weekends. Sometimes this results in over 2 weeks without intimacy. I have no desire on heavy days to be intimately touched by anything, but the days of light spotting after over a week of nothing drives me crazy. It has gotten to the point where when I know my period is coming I start freaking out about how he is not going to want me and how he hates my period (neither of which I know are entirely true). He tries to tell me he loves me and will act really sweet, but all i can think about is how until I have had at least a couple days spot free no mater what I do he wont be intimate with me. Any advice at all on how to handle this. On the internet all I can find are tons of articles about guys trying to get their girlfriends more comfortable with it and nothing to address the roles in reverse.

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EmpowHER Guest

Hahaha, I just encountered this same problem last night, when my boyfriend of three months, who wasn't majorly keen on light spotting days on the first menses since we've been together, has got progressively more and more hesitant, and it just came out than in his previous (4 year!) relationship, he and his ex-girlfriend never touched when she was 'on.'

Sex during my period doesnt worry me at all, so I was quite surprised, and tried to find out what he was so worried about.
First, he said seeing blood on his penis freaked him out (fair enough), then admitted that if it wasn't such OLD blood, then it may not be such a problem to him (!)

I asked him what he meant, and he told me what he knew of menstruation:

The lining of the womb (which he pictured as soft, wet scab), started peeling off, like it was old and dirty, and needed to be shed.
I tried to give him an image of a lovely, self-cleaning, fertile place, that was by no means wet and bloody, and he asked, "But what about the chunks?"

I was worried and upset, thinking that he sees me every month as some creature leaking old, dirty scabby chunks of womb-lining.

Can anyone assist with a nicer, less visceral way of explaining it to him? (he went to a boy's school)


December 28, 2012 - 3:43am

There isn't really much anyone can do (regardless of gender) to "make" someone less squeamish, if they do not choose to be!

Many people are not comfortable around blood, whether it be their own from a cut, or from their partner's menstrual blood.

Are you interested in being physically intimate in other ways with your partner, that does not involve intercourse? It can actually be a blessing in disguise, and you can experiment with different sensations and build-up to the times when you do have intercourse.

In the meantime, have you talked with your partner about his dislike for menstrual blood? Many, many couples do not have sexual relations during their period, as either both or one of them are squeamish about blood. My other thought is that perhaps he does not fully understand what menstrual blood is from, its purpose, and more understanding of they female cycle may intrigue him and help him understand what it is (and not to be afraid!).

September 26, 2010 - 7:31pm
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