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Difficult abortion question

By Anonymous February 2, 2009 - 10:27am
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My little cousin is pregnant at 14 years of age and her mother wants her to have an abortion, as she doesn't have the means or the desire to mostly raise another child. She is in her late 40's herself.
My cousin does not want to have one. Not particularly for moral reasons but it seems, mostly to be difficult with her mother.
She is a bright girl with a great future ahead which, the mother feels will be negatively affected by having a child at such a young age.

What on earth can my aunt do?....no one is open to the idea of adoption.
I agree myself that an abortion is the best idea. My cousin received much sex education from a young age. We all thought that she would be more sensible than this but now that it has happened everone is distraught.
She is only a month gone. I feel that it will tear the family apart.Please help!

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EmpowHER Guest

what will happen if the bleeding suddenly stops after i consumed the pills the doctor gave me?

September 22, 2009 - 9:45am
(reply to Anonymous)

I also wanted to add that Diane and myself are unable to answer your question, as you did not provide answers to Diane's important question: what pills did your doctor prescribe? How much are you bleeding? Did your doctor tell you that you would bleed with your pills?

If your bleeding suddenly stops, you should still see your doctor. If your bleeding continues, you should still see your doctor. And, since today is Tuesday..waiting until the weekend seems very far away. Please call the doctor or nurse-on-call and talk with them about your specific symptoms and concerns, as well as when you should go to the Emergency Room. What should you be expecting from the pills?

I hope this helps.

September 22, 2009 - 12:31pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Anon, I'm so sorry, but there's no way for me to know that. And it doesn't sound like you should wait until this weekend to call your doctor back. Call his office and perhaps talk to his nurse, tell them what's going on and get their opinion, all right? It sounds like you might need to be in a supervised situation, but they would be the best ones to know that.

September 22, 2009 - 10:24am
EmpowHER Guest

hi this is my situation, i went to a doctor and said that i am positive to be pregnant.he gave me medications to abort my baby and now i am bleeding..what can i do to stop myself from bleeding? what medications will i drink and can u give me independent health teachings,please?

September 22, 2009 - 8:41am
(reply to Anonymous)


What medications did your doctor give you? Did he tell you that you would bleed?

It sounds like you need to call your doctor right away, or go to a medical clinic if you can. Can you do that?

September 22, 2009 - 9:41am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Diane Porter)

yes,i have an appointment in a medical clinic this weekend..

September 22, 2009 - 9:58am

Anon, whatever happens next, I want you to know that your cousin is lucky to have you in her life. I'm glad that at least with you, she has a small lifeline to the adult world.

Being a teenager is difficult anyway (and parenting one also), and this intensifies everything she would be going through at this age anyway. I hope that with a little counseling and a little bit of time that the family can find the path that will work best for them.

Hang in there. It is difficult for you to watch all this, but you sound like a voice of calm in what's been quite a storm.

February 4, 2009 - 9:28am
EmpowHER Guest

Thanks for all the comments. I have suggested a family counsellor to my aunt and she is making arrangements.My cousin is very influenced by the popularity of her "idols" having babies. She has always looked up to people like Britany and that set. She does not know much about babies herself. She is the the youngest in her family and my family are A LOT older. She seems to feel that my aunt will take care of the baby and almost sees it as a doll or a toy in her head.
My aunt does NOT want this in her life. MY cousin was and is a very difficult kid and my aunt is not ready to go through with this again at 49 years of age.
The father is not in the picture. She is definatley pregnant as my aunt took her to the doctor. My aunt is not for adoption as she feels that if my cousin keeps the baby, it's a done deal and she would be too attached to the child at that point. My cousin, I feel is against adoption as she feels that it is her mother's responsibility to take care of the baby. It's all very confusing.
We are from a "nice" area; white middle class, liberal,none of my cousins friends are pregnant or have had kids. It's very odd that this has happened and caused such a rift. My cousin confides in me a little and I try to give her both sides of the story. She has major issues with her mother and adults in general. I think she was very spoiled as a little kid and feels that adults should do what she wants.

February 3, 2009 - 2:27pm

The other two woman provided wonderful information and advice, and it does sound like a family counselor would be crucial in providing this family with a "sounding board" to help make some important decisions. The 14 year old probably just wants to move-past this event and get on with life as usual. I'm wondering if the teenager has been around babies or other young parents? Does she have real-life experience with what it is like to raise a child? (I remember reading that some young teenagers were having babies because they "wanted someone to love, and someone to love them back". Do you know WHY she wants to have the baby? If there is a chance she wants the baby for these reasons, you can offer her information that babies really don't "love you back" until they are older, and this is hard to cope with in the wee hours of the night! They are selfish little creatures!

There are many different situations, and I'm curious about the teenager's friends...does she have friends who are also teenage parents? Is she in a geographically high risk area for teenage moms? This information may be insignificant, or may not be. I know teenagers are very influenced by their environment, and may provide another clue into her mindset. The other clue is the boy who got her pregnant. Is he still in the picture, and influencing her decision? (Not saying this is good or bad, just more information).

Lastly, I somewhat disagree with the previous two postings, suggesting this teenager's life is about to be over, no matter what her choice. There are many young mothers who have an excellent support system, and have a happy life, go on to college, marry a wonderful husband, etc. I would hope that no matter what this young girl/woman chooses, that she is not hearing that her "life is over" and that she does not have any more choices in her life. That is not a very empowering place to put her in! Please empower her with choices and options, and no matter what she choose, she will be able to fulfill her other dreams...she may have to work a little harder than her peers if she keeps the baby...but her life by no means is over!

And, yes, she can not be made to have an abortion. A family counselor really is the best option for this family, to help make a some quick and important decisions, so this family can move on to helping with the outcomes.

February 3, 2009 - 1:41pm

Dear Anon,

I'm so sorry this has happened, to your cousin and to your family. It's a truly difficult situation for all involved, with no easy answers. I'm glad you found Empowher; let's see if we can help a little.

How is it that your cousin is certain that she is only one month along? That would mean she's just two weeks late with her period, is that right? Has this been confirmed by a doctor?

First, let's talk about her situation. At 14, she's old enough to be affected by whatever decision she makes for the rest of her life. Whether she has an abortion, has the baby and keeps it, or gives it up for adoption, everything changes from here on out. It's important for everyone involved to know that. And how she deals with this later in life -- regardless of her choice -- will be affected greatly by how she's treated now, and what part she has in the decisions being made.

You say you think she's against the abortion just to be difficult; do you know more about what she's thinking? Does she plan to raise the child, or does she want her mother to raise it? Why is adoption not an option for the family?

Now, let's talk about your aunt. She's faced with the choice of seeing her baby have a baby, and watching everything about your cousin's life change forever. Certainly, getting an education, getting good jobs, meeting a good life partner and negotiating all the changes that life brings is more difficult for a teen parent. One day your aunt sees that her daughter is simply focused on grades, school, tv, music and boys; the next day, her daughter is about to become a mother. There's nothing that could have prepared her for that kind of news. And there's nothing that makes the decision about what to do any easier.

Do you think that the family might seek counseling? It seems like a family counselor who could sit down with the mother and the teenager -- both individually and apart -- could help get to the bottom of how everyone is feeling, and why, and how to start taking steps in one direction or another.

I do not think that the 14-year-old can be forced to have an abortion. And if she chooses to have the child and keep it, she needs to also realize that she's choosing to enter the adult world of parenthood. Maybe a counselor can help her see that in a way that her mother -- who is bound to be very emotional right now -- just cannot.

Do you think they might be open to seeking counseling? Are you in a position where you feel like you could suggest this, or help them find someone to talk to?

February 2, 2009 - 10:59am
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