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...he won't have sex with me and i'm considering straying!

By March 23, 2012 - 5:56pm
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I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 years and we were long distance for the first four years so when we saw each other we were inseparable but then I moved in with him about 3 year ago, at first, of course everything was great. However, now we have sex but not a lot, I think it's been about 3wks to a month since the last time. In the beginning of the relationship I had a very very low sex drive, I never really wanted to do it and he would ALWAYS want to and always initiate. However, at that time I was very very shy and didn't have much experience. Now my drive is a lot higher and I want to explore things but it just seems that he's uninterested. I don't think he is cheating on me (as far as physically) but I really don't know. He works overnight, sleeps all day and doesn't really want to go out either and have any fun. I'm getting very frustrated and aggravated with him, b/c I'm only 24 years old and all I do is sit in the house and watch him sleep. I have tried to initiate oral sex with him and he always responds but when I try to go further idk what happens, he even stopped me one time w/ a hard d*ck so ever since then I said I will never initiate sex with him again...so now I fear that we never will except maybe once every 2 months. When I ask him why he says he doesn't want us to get tired of it...which is BS (I Think) b/c I said well we need to try new things and he really didn't say much. I've considered cheating on him & ALMOST DID ONCE BUT DIDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT but that just shows you how unhappy and not satisfied I am in this relationship. I need help! Oh yea, he's about 28 years old and he's been around the block, he's had over 50+ partners more or less and i've had about 2 before him...

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Just saw your second comment. It sounds like you're not happy.. You have a great point that you are young. If you're not looking forward to marrying him, there is no reason to stay in a negative relationship-- especially if he isn't giving you what you need..



March 23, 2012 - 6:15pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Danielle Serrano)

Thanks for you comment and yes things are getting a lot better now but you are right the emotional side of our relationship is in shambles, but also getting better. I don't really see a future w/ him but try to work things out b/c we have a child together.

April 28, 2012 - 6:29am

Hi ClassySass,

Welcome to EmpowHer. I'm sorry to hear about your frustrations. Although the lack of sex seems to be the main problem, it seems as if the emotional side of the relationship isn't at a high point either. Is he depressed? Any extreme emotional distress in his life? 

If you've come close to cheating on him, is this the type of relationship you want to be in?

Breaking up is always hard, but staying in an unhealthy relationship is worse. 

I believe that communication between a couple is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. If you love him enough to work through the tough times, and the relationship remains healthy (besides the physical) then you might try to work through it. It's up to you whether or not it's worth it.

Best of luck to you & keep us updated.



March 23, 2012 - 6:12pm

Sorry, one more thing, also i've really started to have feelings for/fantasize about one of his cousins...this is really affecting me a lot, I don't want to do the wrong thing but I just feel that he is not giving me what I need and I'm still young..

March 23, 2012 - 6:02pm
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