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How can I relieve depression from existential thoughts?

By October 27, 2008 - 5:56pm
 
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I get depressed......I have been through therapy but even my therapist had to finally agree that an intelligent person is bound to become depressed occasionally at the thoughts of death, age and illness.
I am not religious in the least, so I do not believe in an "after life", though the idea sounds great...it just isn't plausible to me. The whole religion thing seems to be a way for humanity to comfort itself at the thought of ceasing to exist, in my opinion. I respect other peoples views on this, but for me, religion seems like an escape.

Sometimes, I wake in the middle of the night and feel an overwhelming sense of pointlessness.
I am an artist and when I keep busy with my work, I "forget" about looming thoughts of death and age, but when I stop my work, they often return.
I am terrified of death...of not existing....even though in not existing, I will be unaware....a little Woody Allenesque of me, really.
I seem to get a little worse as I get older. I am thirty eight now and the work, work, work attitude in this country does not help me at all.....as then I feel that that is all that life is about. My fiancee just returned to school to get a law degree and I feel that, after these three years of intensive studying, he will get a job and be killing himself with work and then time will whizz by as it does and we will be old.....
I know that I am in a bit of a depression about all of this, but really want to know how to cope.
I have no children and no biological clock that I have ever felt.....though my fiancee would maybe like a child one day. This depresses me too as I am not getting any younger and don't particularly want a child anyhow, as they seem to take over your life and kill romance.
My relationship is very important to me and I sometimes feel that when you see couples with children, they don't like each other very much anymore. I am sure that this is not always true, but it is common that couples tend to eventually take each other for granted. Again, I don't wish to offend, but perhaps children are not for me. I have two dogs which I adore like babies...they make me happy a lot of the time.
I am sorry about the rambling....but I would like any help with coping with these feelings of hopelessness, which are very real to me. We ARE going to get old. We are probably all going to suffer illness at some point and death is inevitable. Do I just not think about it all? This is what my sister suggests. Do I avoid the subject? I really want to be a happy person. What can I do to put meaning into my life?

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Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

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April 10, 2009 - 7:28am

Rlyons, what a thoughtful, personal and honest post. I admire you for digging down inside yourself and sharing how you feel to such an intimate extent.

I think one thing that's key is to understand depression. Your therapist said that yes, intelligent people will occasionally become depressed by the thought of death, age and illness. Very true. And you are an artist -- as am I -- which means that you're even more creative and perhaps intuitive in your thinking than someone who's a little more left-brained. That's not always a good thing, is it?

I used to have a severe fear of flying. A book I was reading about a pilot who worked with such people said that he often found that those who feared flying were (a) intelligent people, many of whom understood how flight works, and (b) creative people, who can make exceptions to every rule. He said that a visual person almost "sees the movie" in their head -- in other words, turbulence begins, the person becomes scared, they see the plane go down in their minds, they think about their loved ones and how sad they will be, etc -- but we never run the correct movie afterward. Meaning, when the turbulence stops, the movie has to start over -- in other words, we must also run the movie that shows us how the flight is smooth again, the plane is working, we are safe, life is continuing as normal, we will land and go on about our lives after the flight. For some reason, we don't visualize that part of it.

Depression doesn't want you to run the positive movie. It has built-in nastiness that keeps you from feeling the following things: You might live on in your art, for generations and generations to come. You might find what you are seeking spiritually, just by trusting in life. You might have a wonderful, enjoyable relationship with your fiance whether or not you have children. You will be happy with children, you will be happy without children. (I wanted children, and we tried but weren't successful. We are happy without them, too, and we dote on our nieces, nephews and dogs as though we were crazy people.) You might live to be an active, smart, vibrant 97-year-old and then have a peaceful death at which point you look back and say, "That was good." Depression doesn't want you to see optimism and hope, even when it's appropriate. Depression is in the business of keeping you negative.

One reason you don't worry about such things when you are working on your art is that you've found the very primal feeling of flow. Your art runs through you, and then it is there, on the paper or canvas, evidence of something miraculous. You are the only one in the universe who can do your art. If you don't do it, it will never be done. And there is something magical and fulfilling about that. I imagine that when you are making art, you also forget what time it is, because hours have passed without you realizing it. That's something some people never experience. It's to be treasured. To put more meaning into your life, you must do this -- and other things that make you feel this way.

Religion may indeed be an escape for some, a haven for others. I might encourage you to read or download and listen to Eckhart Tolle's book, "A New World." He has studied many religions, but is far more based in the total consciousness of all of us who are alive at any one moment, and in the power of what you can think now, what you can do now, what you are resisting now, and how those things affect us. He deals with everything from happiness and sadness to life and death. But not in a religion-based way. There's more zen to it than anything else, which I found both calming and very intellectually challenging.

Take care, write back.

October 28, 2008 - 9:21am

Make sure you continue to feed your passion and don't forget about exercise, which gives you your natural endorphins release.

They are essential to a healthy perspective.

My wife just said, "GO TO YOGA!"

Best of health to you.

-Todd

October 27, 2008 - 10:05pm
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