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How should I work it out with my boyfriend who thinks that he is too self-centered/selfish?

By October 25, 2016 - 11:39pm
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We (24/m 24/f) have been together for 5 years of LDR. We see each other every 2 to 3 months ever since, except for last year 2015, where my boyfriend flew to another side of the globe for his studies for the whole year. That was the hardest point of LDR due to the 8 hours of time difference that we nearly broke it off. Now, my boyfriend is working in another country which is only an hour flight or 4-hours drive away from where I am. I get to visit him once per month now whenever I am free from my final year studies. We often discussed about our futures together. I have also decided to move to the same country with him once I graduated in 6 months so we can finally end the distance between us. I have also always known that he is a very ambitious and adventurous man, with many dreams and things that he wants to achieve, such as working in different countries to experience different cultures, I never minded that and will not mind following him as well.

Three weeks ago, he told me that he wants to break up with me due to his inability to commit in this relationship any longer. He started working for more than 4 months now, he thinks that he priors his work more than anything and what was left of his remaining time goes to his "me time" such as sports, socialising and etc, so there things that involves just himself but not "us". He does not want us to be committed to each other while wasting time waiting for each other. I refused to break up with him.

Future is still a long way to go. We never know what the future may be. I have told him several times that I really do not mind him prioritising his work over me. Every woman out there would be very proud to see their partner being successful, so am I. So, whilst he is busy doing his work, I can fully focus on my final year studies. Once I have graduated, we can finally move in together and things will be very different while living together. It might sound nothing, but I truly believe that feelings may differ when we are physically being together.

A few days ago, I gave him a surprise visit. With the look on his face, I know that he was shocked and touched by my visit. For all the things that he has done for me, I can see that he still loves and cares for me as much but he is still not convinced to change his mind of breaking up. He thinks that his selfishness can never be changed and will never put me at first before his own needs. He thinks that I am too silly and naive to not think long term.

Until today, I kept telling him that I am not giving up on this relationship unless there something truly forbids us to be together. We have all the basic elements for a relationship, such as love, trust, honesty and loyalty. I find no reason on why we should give up on this. Now that I am back in university again, he is again treating me ruthlessly as to not lead me on to any hope in this relationship. How can I help to change his mind and to let him know that he is not as selfish as he thinks he is?

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