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My boyrfriend and I have been together for just a little over 10 months now. We are both divorced and in our very early 30's. Our relationship, for the most part, has been wonderful. We do everything together and talk about everything...we have no secrets from eachother. We have arguments like anyone else but I wouldn't say they are very bad. We have been talking about marriage and having a child together for the last couple months (he brought it up) and I think he is going to propose soon. (I overheard him talking about the ring.) However, our sex life has been the exception to everything else in our relationship. I love making love with him but he acts like he really doesn't care about it. For example, we are both in bed relaxed and i start kissing on him, he will make up an excuse as to why he doesn't want to make love with me, ie im too tired, have bladder infection, headache, stressed etc. It is never about getting in the mood, the idea is cut off right from the start. We had not made love for about 3 weeks and when we tried, he couldn't get an erection. No big deal, we cuddled and I assured him it was fine...it happens. A few days later, same thing, couldn't get erect at all. That was a week and a half ago. We tried tonite and still nothing. I asked him if he is masturbating and he said he has and last time was four days ago. He had no problem getting an erection or ejaculating then, so there probably isnt anything wrong with him. I feel like he is not attracted to me at all. He doesn't look at me with desire, even when I am naked, and he doesn't touch me in sexual ways unless we were making love. He tells me he IS attracted to me and it's not me it's him. I love this man sooo much and I want to marry him more than anything in the world but I am not sure that I can go the rest of my life without having sex. Please somebody give me some advice..I am desperate.
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ok first of all, porn is unacceptable ,,considering he is not having sex with YOU ..he may be depressed , however, you are right it does noT affect his sex drive to be on smut sites. Simple math, dont waste anymore time on someone you havent even been with a year move on before he destroys your self esteem. Talk with him nicely about whats bothering you if he doesnt care and continues what he is/isnt doing then hes a douche and you need to kick him to the curb and move on to someone who is interested in your needs. dont settle for less...
December 24, 2015 - 10:04pmThis Comment
I have been going through the same exact thing...my bf has only let me give him a bj in the 1 1/2 years we've been together and only 3 times at that...he has promised many many times we will be intimate and when that time comes, he has some excuse not to...we've even been to the hottubs about 3 times and he doesn't even make a move or even look at me with desire, it's like he isn't even interested in me...I don't know what to do, I don't understand why this is happening...he has a 100 y.o. mother that he lets jerk him around and treats him like shit, has never said she loves him, says he is not her son, but he is attached so much to her that he won't even stay after work to be with me for a few minutes because he has to get home because his mom will be mad and he will be in trouble...(I have a client where he works)...He has asked me to marry him and 4 days before he postponed it...and he recently told me to make a date and we will keep it and get married...I said hell no...I love this man so much, but he is ripping my heart out and stomping on it over and over...any suggestions on what I should do?
October 30, 2015 - 7:44pmThis Comment
Hi ladies I'm in the same boat. I have been with my man for just over 7 years now, we have two kids together but he works away Mon to Fri and comes home Sat then back Sun tea time. The ladt time we had sex was probably 4-5 weeks ago but I've ineciated loads of times since then and i just get the usual crap answers. Whenever I'm naked he doesn't look at me and if he does theres nothing from him at all. He's cheated on me in the past and he says he's a different man now but I'm so confused. He says he loves me and doesn't want to break up but it just feels like we have or are coming to the end. It hurts as i love him to bits but i don't feel he sees me how he used to or loves me like he used to xxx
September 22, 2015 - 3:25pmThis Comment
Ladies I think I finally know whats up. My boyfriend and I have always loved each other very much. We have been together 2 years now. We have built a home and life together. We want to grow old and spend forever with each other but one thing is missing from our relationship, sex. I heard all the excuses.. it isn't you it's me, I just dont ever think about sex.. so on. Its hard to be so in love with someone that doesnt want you that way. Finally things came to a head when I caught him cheating on me. Since things were over I had to know why. I was told that he never had that sexual attraction to me no matter how badly he tried. He thinks I am beautiful outside and in but the spark was just not there. He told me for years he lived a lie and that all the times we had sex it was because he wanted to make me happy. He said I deserve to be happy and he knew that meant sexually too so he gave me what I wanted regardless of his own feelings. It just became to much for him after a while and could no longer live that lie. The other women reminded him of what that attraction felt like and what its like to desire another again. Now we are both sad and hurt because we have a child together and still love each other very much but he won't live a lie anymore and I cant live knowing he may never look at me with desire Rowan me the way I want him. I have learned that love come in many different forms and its takes all of them to sustain a lasting relationship. I hope your outcome is better than mine but from what I have read, things dont look promising. I know we have to end things. It just hurts so much and an innocent child will lose one of his parents all because one aspect of being in love is not present. Good luck
July 21, 2015 - 9:03pmThis Comment
*Update* I decided to take a different path though. I basically broke down and disappeared. I stepped away from myself while my physical shell remained present. No one even noticed how lost I was but where he was lost in himself, we some how held on to each other. We are not a couple anymore yet we remain completely involved in our family. I do not question him nor he me. The love is still there but its that longetivity kind. Now I do not know if what we are doing is right or wrong but we do love each other and we do have live our family. So for now we compromise and talk. We do not know where this road goes or why we are meant to take it but we know the end result and are focused on that. The rest is just the journey of getting there.
August 30, 2015 - 10:58pmThis Comment
This is exactly what happened to me. I am 26 and have been with my fiancé for 9 years. He was my first and only love and me the same for him. I just caught him cheating on me 2 days ago and he blames it on not being attracted to me. 3 years ago we almost broke up because he said he wasn't attracted to me but he lied to me and told me that he loved me and was attracted to me again just to keep me around. Fast forward to now, I caught him with his employee and we are supposed to be planning our wedding. I caught him before they even had sex but the damage has been done. She was sending him naked pictures and they were sexting. And he admitted to making out with her at his office. I love him with all of my heart but I don't know why he would do this to me. I have tried everything to be attractive to him and nothing works. Now I'm faced with this and I don't know if I can forgive him but I love him so much.
August 24, 2015 - 10:16pmThis Comment
Seems like these men are suffering from an identity crisis. It is very possible that your man is gay. Down-low as they say. Women experiencing changes in the man sex drive should read up on this. There are signs. It's sad but its reality. Good luck ladies. You deserve the best. Courtship in a relationship should never change for the worst it should get better. Keep you happy and desirable.
June 7, 2015 - 9:23amThis Comment
Porn induced erictile dysfunction disorder. Google it. I wouldn't stay with this man. I adore my husband so this may sound cold but the grief I have experienced over his lack of affection and lack of sex has caused me to go from a spunky, lively, happy young woman to someone who is depressed, quiet and serious, and always crying as soon as I am alone. I'm in my mid twenties, LOVE sex, eat clean and have been working out 5-6 days a week for the past 5 years....so even being in awesome shape and walking around topless to attempt getting his attention and it STILL not working, is an incredibly shitty feeling. I would never leave him now because I adore him, but had I known in advance before falling head over heels...I would've run and no, I wouldn't marry him again. It is very complicated, very painful. Sex IS a huge deal. You will realize that when it is too late.
May 16, 2015 - 6:42amThis Comment
Oh girl, I am in the SAME boat unfortunately, and I know how bad it hurts. The only difference is he proposed last year, and nothing changed. There is still little to no sex (once a month) and it's getting increasingly frustrating. I wish I had good advice for you, but I came here looking for the same thing :( He says the same thing too, "it isn't you, it's me" bla bla bla. Sadly, it's been going on for two years, and wevewbeen together for 3, so I wish I could tell you it will change, but I don't know if it ever will. He had the erection problem a couple times, and it hurts your ego bad. I really hope things work out for you. Good luck.
April 7, 2015 - 5:36pmThis Comment
Hi lady's im having the same problem with my boyfriend, my boyfriend is 28 and he works 3 hrs from home and every time he come home he says he's tired and lately i noticed we haven't had sex in two weeks sometimes he doesn't come home he stay up there closere to work and come home on weekends so what should i do, i dont think he attractive to me anymore and its hurts cause im so madly in love with him
April 6, 2015 - 5:44amThis Comment