I have been married for 5 months but with him for 10 years. I am 30 yes old. We had sex and he could never keep his hands off me... Until about 1 year ago. We had a lot of stress with the wedding planning, moved into a new house, etc so we did experience a lot of changes...we had a tough time but our relationship has always been a love-hate kind... Hate is harsh but you get what I mean. When we were not fighting, we were crazy in love... When we fought, it got really ugly. No physical abuse, ever. He would never do that but there was yelling on both sides and a lot of mean things said. We have been like that since day one. Somehow, we make it work and we love each other and have grown a lot...we got engaged, then moved in, and then got married a year later. We had some serious fights during the wedding planning and we were close to calling the whole thing off. I wanted more of his help and involvement and he didn't want to do anything for it. I understand now, most guys just don't want to take on wedding planning but at the time, it really upset me. I felt he didn't care. My Christian beliefs have grown a lot the past few years. I decided that I did not want to have sex until we got married... He doesn't have the same beliefs as I do and thought it was ridiculous. I felt uncomfortable having sex and didn't enjoy it because I felt guilty so I wanted to wait and let it be special on our wedding night. This was about 5 months before the wedding. He was pissed about it the whole 5 months and we got into arguments over it. Well, we lasted the 5 months and got married. We went from him chasing me to me asking him why he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. Since we got married, the 1st week was great. Then it's been every 2 even 3 weeks and he shows no desire. I have brought it up to him so many times and he brushes me off or makes excuses that I have been sick and he didn't want to bother me while I am sick or we are both tired, etc. Always excuses. We both work a lot. We try to do date nights here and there but even then we get home and go to sleep. I really miss him. There is such a huge disconnect between us. I dont know what happened. I have talked to him several times, I have written him letters, I don't know what else to do. I feel he is fine without it or me. I can't tell you the last time he bought me flowers, or just surprised me or planned a nice dinner for us. I always plan everything. I am the only one that makes the plans and even then he is annoyed that I am asking for a date night because he just wants to "relax and do nothing or watch tv". I have checked his computer, no signs of any porn or cheating. He works all the time and I know he is tired but his only free time he is on the computer researching stuff for work or watching tv. I get no affection. I feel so lonely and like he doesn't care. I know people get comfortable and we have been together for 10 years but this is beyond. I am a very pretty woman, I work out everyday, in shape, I know I am very attractive but sometimes I feel like maybe I'm still not enough? He never tells me I'm beautiful anymore, or he is never the one to kiss me first or hug me. If I don't, he doesn't. I'm so sad and heartbroken. I know he loves me but maybe he doesn't love me like he used to? Or maybe he doesn't feel he needs to do anything because now we are married? I have talked to him about this in tears, hysterical, in peace and quiet, in letters, poured my heart out and nothing changes. I'm feeling resentful and when he does decide he wants to have sex every now and then, I don't want it anymore. I feel he is doing it because I made a big deal out of it or because he just needs it but no connection between us. And the sex is not good. It used to be but now it's just sex... No foreplay, nothing. I don't know what to do any more. Please help.
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.