My bf of 5 years and I don't have sex.

By Anonymous June 10, 2012 - 11:10am

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Well, me and my bf used to do it like bunnies at the start of our relationship, like most couples. 10+ times a week for about 9 months when I accidentally fell pregnant. During pregnancy I did not want sex at all, and then he stopped trying. After I had my baby I didn't want sex as I was so paranoid about it hurting etc, so it wasn't until about 3-4 months after we tried again. We didn't have that much sex for about 2 years, hardly any.... It came that then I had an affair with someone (although we aren't married) and that lasted about 6 months. My bf found out and obi although we sorted through it he didn't really try physically to do anything for a while. We addressed that mostly I cheated on him because this guy was giving me the one thing that my bf was not. We got over that, tried a little bit, maybe had sex once a month or so...Then it went dry again, I revisited the guy I had an affair with. I decided to stop it as this second guy was not worth breaking up the relationship I had with my bf, regular sex or not.

Now it's been about a month and a half since we had sex.
Yes, he is very stressed at work and not having a good time. Also he never really had much of a sex drive. Also with a 3 year old running around the house our times are limited to late at night when we're both exhausted! Of course I feel though that it is about me, about my affair, a mixture of that and stress at work... As I write this I can almost see why we don't have sex.
But the fact is, I want sex. I need to have sex in my relationship. I need that intimacy. We cuddle, we peck lips and we have the best friend relationship that most people only dream of, and he DOES say that he does still find me sexy, he will have sex with me it's just all about timing.
I guess I just want to know if there is anything I can do to help? He isn't really into anything kinky; dressing up, porn, toys. So I have no idea what to do other than wait.
It really makes me sad and I don't know what to do. Help?

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Anonymous

Hi Anon,

Welcome to EmpowHER. The relationship has been through many ups and downs. Especially since there was cheating. You might need to seek counseling from a psychotherapist. He might have not gotten over the fact you were with someone else. But it's also imporant for him to see a doctor and check his hormones level. Stress can cause lack of sex drive and a low libido.

Here are some resources for you

www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/low-libido-advocacy-sheet

https://www.empowher.com/relationships-family/sex-relationships/community

Best,

Daisy

June 11, 2012 - 11:15am