My boyfriend continues to save pictures of naked women on his computer after I've asked him to stop! Then masturbates while I am sleeping in the same room!

You have given him so many chances already my dear, just now he just having fun without all the commitment and you agree to it. Stop while you are at it and don't fall for it, you will end up hurting yourself at the end. Trust he will be good like that for about two months and fall back to his old habits, you will however do good for both of you by walking away knowing that deep within you deserved something better. He needs to learn his lesson and by losing you maybe that is the only way he might learn it. Who cares..you need to do you right now and go with your gut..many times you have told him and many times he did nothing but lies.

I am in a situation right now, and went online to search..and guess what I came across your post. My is the worse, he saved over 30 copies of naked pictures of his coworker, the slut that he has been chatting with. I don't know how to confronted him anymore, i am tire as I have confronted him in many other wrong doing. I confronted him 16 times for having a myspace and chatting with other women and just found out he has a new one. Its dragging on for more than three years now..I still grieve...I feel sad that I can't walk away..i hope you have the courage to let go.

Hey guys!
So sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your comments. Thank you so much for everything that you said, I took them into huge consideration, and in-turn it has left me with a very difficult passed month. Literally the following day after my post, we broke up. I guess I had just simply had enough. Your comments made me want to be strong and walk completely away from it, which I did. It has been the most difficult last few weeks I have ever encountered in my life though...and I'd like to see what your thoughts are on my current situation. After breaking up, we were both quite content with the situation because we both realized how unhappy we had both been for so long, and how we should have broke it off months ago. The break up was really rough, but actually ended in an all nighter, about 6 hour conversation between the two of us. We got to talking about everything that had happened to us and began to say things that we never would before, actually TALKED to each other for once in our relationship, and started to really see who each of us really are. It was an extremely emotional night, as we started to realize that if we had just been honest with each other, and said all those words before, that we probably could have created something amazing.. So here is my current situation: we have to live together until the end of July, as he has paid his rent, and has no where else to go until August 1st, and has a steady good paying job. After breaking up, I went to my parents for over a week to just get away from it all. The time apart however, made things get interesting. Now I know that everyone will say that men don't change, but this is what happened. He began calling me, saying that he missed me and just wanted to talk, which I had wished for our entire relationship whenever I was away - never happened before. Then he asked if he could take me out on a date, start over, as if it was our first date, which we continued to discuss that neither of us wanted to get back together, but just maybe see what happens. I did so, in wanting to keep peace while we are stuck living together. Ever since... he has been amazing!! He does everything I ever asked for before and more. I feel like he is a different person, and that we are so different together in a good way. The porn has completely stopped, he offers to cook me dinner, he rubs my back, etc.. We are not back together, as I did not want to fall back into the downward spiral that we were once in...but now I am stuck :( We have decided that things will officially break off as off July 31st when he moves out, and we will say good-bye for good, but now I don't know what to do if either A- that day comes and I want more and he doesn't, or if I should even want more in the first place, or B- He wants to get back together. I am afraid of every situation and every outcome because I don't know what to do with whatever way the table turns. I feel like right now we are so happy together because there is no pressure of "boyfriend/girlfriend". Every day things seem to get better and better between us, and I am just falling for him over and over again. I have always loved him, more than I ever thought possible, but I just don't know what to do now. Any thoughts or comments on this mess would be greatly appreciated, as everything you all said before really described my life to a "T" and made me feel so much better. I realize that I have gotten myself into this mess, but should I give him a second chance if he wants it? or should I even risk getting my heart broken again?....

I know your feeling, Rala! I know the pain, the ignorance of the male counterpart and how it feels to be left to the way side for something virtual. The sex industry is the largest moneymaker! Men are CONSUMED by sex, imagery and many probably have no idea what all this causes us (as the woman).

I have had three long term relationships (one being a marriage). Two of the long term(ers) were addicted to pornography and the third was addicted to prescription medication. My sweet friend, I am not picking up men off the corner street, these are all men of importance in the world. I know many people can change and even pornography is an addiction, but stop and think.....if he never stopped this, would you be happy in the relationship?

I have noticed in many relationships, if you think he will change, he won't. He will only hide it better. I am not saying this for all situations or for all men but in honesty, it may never change. I want you to make a decision for you. What are you willing to deal with? No one is perfect but is this something that you can live with? If your answer is no, move on....it is not his addiction that should consume you. This is about you, about Rala! Remember, you are the only person who can make you happy. Wishing you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart! Just from my point of view, I walked away from all three. I knew what I couldn't deal with their chosen addictions for a long period of time. If you look up information about addiction, it is not about how much he loves you, it's all about him.

I have recently run into the same situation with my boyfriend of 8 months. I found out that he looked at porn early on in our relationship and was extremely upset by it, and I let him know. We had a long discussion about it and I thought he understood me. Ends up, after months and months of our relationship he was still looking at it even though he knew how much it hurt me and inhibited me from being intimate with him. He was lying to my face about it. When I found scant evidence of it on his browser's history I was livid. I told him to leave and insisted that he admit that he was leaving for porn. That he was choosing PORN over me. He didn't want to admit it and we had a rough few weeks before he agreed that what we could have together is worth so much more. He proposed the idea to let me have the password to his computer, to set up filtering software, and to delete anything and everything that might be saved.

Honestly, even with all of these protective measures and his assurance that he doesn't want it in his life anymore, I'm still hesitant. The hurt I feel from being lied to about this, over and over again goes so deep. If this were a problem I thought was concentrated on one guy, I would have left him to drift away in his imaginary, lonely sex life. What I'm afraid is the reality though, is that that this is a problem with 99.9% of males over the age of 12.

Does anyone, ANYONE, have any stories of males who abstain from porn and realize it's damaging effects on an intimate sex life? PLEASE share them for the good of every woman who's had to share a bedroom with any naked woman who makes her way in front of a video camera.

Karma,

I am astonished that you think the problem may lie with YOU. Just astonished. Let's review:

-- You say you moved in together too soon, before you knew about some habits that you totally object to.
-- On repeated occasions he has lied to you.
-- On repeated occasions he has promised something he has not followed through on.
-- Despite the fact that something hurts you, he refuses to truly consider stopping it.
-- He gets angry when you point any of this out.
-- Not only does he continue to view the pictures that he has promised not to, he masturbates NEXT TO YOU in bed while viewing them.

Karma, these are the actions of a man who is emotionally abusing you. He may be addicted to internet porn or not, but either way, it's more important to him than you are. And no wonder he doesn't want sex with you -- he's having fantasy sex with whatever image he wants on the internet. That's much easier than dealing with a real live human being that has feelings, hopes and vulnerabilities.

I've got to tell you that I don't see a lot of hope here for this behavior to stop. This isn't love, Karma. Be strong, stand up for yourself, and leave. I know that's harsh, and horrible to hear. But I think you know inside yourself that this is NOT your fault; and that YOU are not the one who can change it.

You are a thoughtful, smart woman with feelings that matter. He has made it clear by his actions that he is not going to change. That is sad, mostly because he's missing out on a real relationship.

The only thing you can do is decide that you don't want to share a bed with him and his laptop. You are young and are worth so much more.