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My boyfriend doens't want sex as often

By Anonymous January 23, 2012 - 2:43pm
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My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years doesn't want to have sex that often anymore. He says I put a lot of "performance pressue" on him and that this has exaccerbated the issue. For the first few years we had sex almost every day, or every other day. Just 6 months ago HE was complaining that 1-2 times a week wasn't enough.....well now we only spend weekends together and if we're lucky we have sex once during the weekend. I am always the initiator. He says that he has been under a lot of stress at work and other factors and that he is getter older and that all of these things are reasons why. I don't understand that since just 6 months ago he wanted it more. I can't help but think it is because of my recent weight gain (20 pounds in 6 months, 35 pounds gained since we met). I had a hip operation in 2009 and havnt been very active since, also battled with substance abuse but now I am clean and sober...... I am currently watching what I eat and exercise regularly and this seems to be working (I've lost 2.5 pounds in a week). It makes me feel bad that he doesnt want me anymore, I think he could be cheating since we no longer live together but I'm just not sure.

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To help you find the reason for your boyfriend's lack of interest, let's look at what you said about the relationship.

How old is he and how old are you? With aging, men have lower testosterone levels and experience low sex drive.

If I may ask, who much do you weigh? You mention a weight gain of 20 pounds in a 6 month period with a recent weight loss of 2.5 pounds. If you are overweight, your boyfriend may no longer find you attractive. This may be a reason for his decreased interest in having sex with you.

You mentioned that you had hip surgery in 2009 and are not very physically active. Your decreased level of activity may be something that your boyfriend cannot deal with.

You mention an issue with substance abuse. Were you dealing with this throughout your relationship? Does your boyfriend have a substance abuse issue? How does he feel about this? This may also be contributing to the problem with your relationship.

If you are no longer living together, it is quite possible that he is now in a relationship with another woman.

Only your boyfriend can tell you why he no longer wants to be sexually intimate with you. I hope that he can be honest with you. You deserve to be loved and be happy.


January 23, 2012 - 6:21pm
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