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My boyfriend won't have sex with me and I can't take it!

By Anonymous August 25, 2012 - 9:08pm
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I am 25 and my boyfriend is 39. We have been together for 3 1/2 years and have had a lot of emotional fall outs but agree that we are committed to staying together. The first year or so of our relationship was amazing. We got along so well, we were inseparable, were really truly great friends, and were so in love. He was extremely emotional, and expressed his feelings about me all the time, not just by saying "I love you" but actually going in depth with how he felt. To top it all off we had amazing sex! I mean the kind of sex people would be jealous about, approximately a few times a week (I have kids so more often would have been difficult). Around the 1.5 year mark, we were looking at moving in together when he thought he saw some information on my computer that lead him to believe that I was speaking to other men, but he was completely 100% wrong about what he saw, I am the most faithful person on the planet. He kept what he saw to himself for months, and completely shut down emotionally. On my side of things I had no idea what was going wrong, I kept blaming myself, wondering what I had done, and went into a deep depression, which caused me to lash out and get angry easily. We both gained a significant amount of weight during this time, but I gained a little more than him. We did have a breaking point where he told me what he thought had happened, and we tried to repair things from there, but it has been an emotional roller coaster ever since, but he maintains that he loves me, and argues that he loves me more then I love him. I sought help for my depression and have been feeling better. It has now been at least 8 months since we have had sex, but I think about being with him every single day. All of my sexual dreams etc include him and him only. He will not have sex with me. He said it is some kind of emotional thing, but I don't know if it is the weight or if he is just not connected with me the way he was before. I am dying here. I have such a huge sex drive, and for his age, he does too. He also doesn't approach me for affection ever, it is only ever me that approaches him. He couldn't be cheating, as he works from home, and I only work a few hours a week ad go to school and he is watching the kids while I am doing so, so there really is no way that is a possibility. What should I do?

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EmpowHER Guest


Sex. relationships and loss of trust are sometimes deal breakers. Communication is always key to keep relationships alive and healthy. You must talk with him as we can only provide advise which in reality will only be able to come from him. He makes his decisions. Perhaps you both can seek counseling. I hope this helps and good luck.


August 26, 2012 - 6:12am
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