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Is my desire for sex ruining my relationship?

By August 24, 2012 - 8:34am
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After returning from a 9 month deployment to Afghanistan I started college in a new state where I didn't know a soul. Shortly after I met my current boyfriend of 11 months and we have been pretty much inseparable. I'm 24 and he is 22 and we are both in the same field of study. I love that he is there to motivate me to get my work done and be able to help me when I struggle since he is ahead of me in the program. We've both met each other's families and I've never heard the term "they're a keeper" from so many people in my life. We have a lot of issues behind closed doors but the one that has hurt me the most is the lack of sex. Before I meet him I had only been with two other men and had never had the desire that I have now. Most of it comes from the intimacy I feel when I am with him. It scares me to think about it, but I would probably do almost anything he asks. Lately it seems that while he still always wants me around he doesn't want anything else from me. Last after spending an hour trying to fix his internet and 45 minutes of rubbing his back, before I know it he's ready for sleep. While this isn't anything new, his constant denying of me has really begun to hurt my feelings. He could tell I was upset and when he asked what was wrong I couldn't help but to tell him how I felt as calmly as I could. He then told me that it's not normal to have sex more than twice a week (even though we used to have sex almost every day) and that I'm just sex obsessed which makes him not want to have sex with me. He even went on to say that sometimes he regrets ever having sex with me and that I make him resent me. I sat on the floor in tears and when I finally picked up my stuff to leave he leaped out of bed and said that if I left he would never have sex or speak to me again. I love him very much but that isn't the first time he's said (well, actually screamed) hurtful things at me or threatened me in such a manner to get his way. I know it isn't healthy but I think I may have also contributed to his behavior by giving in for fear that he might actually leave me. He says that he's not very affectionate, and he rarely compliments me anymore. And while he does a lot things to show he cares I prefer the romance and now I feel wrong for it. I can't open up to him and tell him all this because he will get offended and shut me out. He is a really great person but I think a lot of his behavior is new to him since his parents went through a really rough divorce about a decade ago and he might just be at the point where he's beginning to understand it. Is there anything I can do to turn this around?

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