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Newlywed sex/intimacy problems

By January 29, 2012 - 6:54pm
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I've been married for about 6 months and my husband doesnt want to have sex as much as i do. We were both virgins when we met, had a very short engaement and got married. We had some intimacy problems before we got married, but me being all about communication spoke right up and was all- why dont you want to kiss me?.. We made love a few times before we got married - it wasnt great but no one had great expectations both being virgins and all. He was always excited, always the agressor but now i am the one instigating, and he goes along with me most of the time but i can tell hes not really into it. This just makes me want to cry. I am so sick of being the one to instigate so i got to talking about it to him- he was very receptive - he said it was because he felt that he couldnt please me so he wasnt confident- because most times its so quick i dont get fulfilled (i have also never had a vaginal orgasm which i think is quite common so im not really bummed about it and he tries to compensate when we actually are intimate). I said that this was normal and that its probably because we dont do it often enough and he didnt have practice. Recently it started getting worse so i had another blow up- i felt like emotionally i am always chasing him, i felt like i am the one who is vulnarable- i confronted him and i told him i feel. I told him i loved him more than he loved me that i am more passionate about him, that when i look at him i just feel the urge to kiss him and i cant understand why he doesnt want me in that way. He told me that he loved me but was incapable of feeling love in the way other people do. He said he cant show his feelings that in a way he doesnt love me as much as i love him. I was absolutely crushed. A part of me died that day, and though we talked through it and made up after and our intimacy has improved since then, i feel like there is a wall between us now. I feel rejected and like i woke up from a dream. The sad thing is my feelings for him have not changed one iota and im not only losing my self respect but i feel like i will eventually give up on the intimacy which is so important to me.

Sorry for chewing your ear off,

Thanks in advance for anything you can tell me that will shed light on the situation


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EmpowHER Guest

Hi Asli,

Welcome to EmpowHER.  I know this must not be easy for you. But it might be good to sit with him and explain how you feel and his options of getting treated for this. As far, as seeing a doctor or getting psychotherapy help.



January 30, 2012 - 7:26am
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