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is this normal?

By Anonymous October 7, 2010 - 5:55am
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Hello, I am 24 years old female and a virgin. I have a question, have posted the same question somewhere on someone's else question but didn't get a response so thought of posting my own question again.

Me and my boyfriend are dating for a long time, but we never went for an intercourse ever because of me being scared of the pain I'll be going through during the intercourse, as I was always been told it's painful. My boyfriend was quite aware that I am scared of it and he always used to make me feel better. Yesterday, we just experienced it without planning. But the situation is quite different here, he put his penis on my vagina and tried to push it, me being a virgin, it was hurting me alot and everytime either I screamed or pushed him back. Then he used to pause for a few minutes, pat me on my back and talk to me for sometime. Then again we tried, it hurted me again, maybe because of the hymen coming on it's way. On the 3rd try, I screamed and actually cried then he stopped. I ejaculated him with my hand later. After an hour or so, I experienced a severe backache and feel I cant walk properly. I told him this, he asked to examine it, and said the hymen must have damaged probably. He successfully was able to put the tip of his penis an inch or half inside my vagina. Moreover, it hurted me badly when he used his finger too, and i pushed him back, why is that? i was lubricated well and all aroused, why was it hurting me so much? why was it so hard for him to enter me? am i normal? I later examined with a mirror, I couldn't see any hymen around my vagina. This is sure that I am not a virgin anymore, also is backache normal after going through all these?


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EmpowHER Guest

Christine, we tried missionary position only. He said, that is the best position for the first time sex/deflowering. Plus, i didn't experience backache right at the time of the intercourse. After the experience, we cuddled, talked for about an hour or so, he made me lay my head on his chest while talking and discussing what had just happened and how could we make it more better. Pain started when i left his place and all the way to my place till i reached home and continued for 2-3 days. i even noticed itching while in the toilet during pee, but that was only for that night, the next morning it was normal in the toilet for me.

October 8, 2010 - 2:38am
EmpowHER Guest

When i was born my mom said i had a hymen fully covering my vagina and the doctor said it would fade away with tme and even if not, it requires a small surgery in which they would remove the extra layer of the hymen. But with age, it faded away itself.

Yes, i was alot tensed and nervous during the intercourse, couldn't even relax and open my legs properly. He was asking me not to contract your legs and muscles and do not think about it but still was getting scared all the way. To your queston, i had pain around the opening of my vagna, not insde. My boyfriend said once the muscles are stretched it wont hurt anymore, your vagina very tight even the finger hurted me. But tried all my best, then he got aside saying he cant see me in pan. Are there any exercises, or any other way that i dont think of pain and be nervous, and all relaxed during the intercourse? any tips? Plus, my periods were due on 8th of this month and we experienced this 6 days before my periods were due. My periods cycle for the last 3 months, July 7th, August 9th, Sept 8th. So was expecting my periods at around 7th or 8th of this month, but no periods too.

And i am very well now, had backache for 2-3 days after that only, i am absolutely fine now.

October 8, 2010 - 2:23am

I agree with Alison. Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your question and for finding EmpowHer.
What kind of pain are you experiencing? Have you tried different positions to see if one may be less uncomfortable? Also, have you considered what could be causing the pain? Do you think it all is physical, or do you have some psychological barriers that may need to be broken through since you say you haven't had intercourse before?
Like Alison said, it may be worth visiting with a doctor or gynecologist to rule out any conditions that may be causing your pain. Here is an article about pain with intercourse (dyspareunia):
Hope it helps! Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

October 7, 2010 - 1:17pm

Yes, it can be normal to have painful intercourse your first time, but some women do not experience pain (it is not a "requirement" to have pain, in other words).

Since you are 24 years old, have you been to the gynecologist to begin your annual exams? This would be important to rule out any medical conditions.

Most likely, however, it sounds like you may be tense from trying to have sex. Women can even experience pain when inserting a tampon (even after they've had sex for years) if they are not in the right frame of mind and are relaxing their pubic muscles. If you are too tense, anxious or nervous...the muscles around your vagina can be very tight and sex can be painful.

Do you experience pain right at your vagina opening, or do you have pain inside your vagina? Are you able to insert a finger into your vagina without pain (or use tampons)?

Your back hurting would also most likely be from your muscles being tense as well; there would be no reason for your back hurting after this occurrence unless you have a medical condition that is causing pain (and, your back ache would be continuing to hurt before and after this sexual encounter).

How long ago did this happen, and how are you feeling now?

October 7, 2010 - 12:59pm
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