Serving nightmare

By Anonymous May 25, 2014 - 10:31am

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Hi,
I’m 25 years old. The issue I’m writing to you may seem odd and stupid but it has really started to interrupt me in my daily activities and affect my self-esteem.
I come from a country where after you get engaged, the bride and the groom have to set the date for marriage. After they set it, families have to go to each other for the first time. When my fiancé’s family came to us (15 people), of course I had to serve them everything, including tea. Then happened smth that never happened to me before. Because I was emotional and it was their first time seeing me serve, my entire body was shaking. So, while serving the first tea, because of shaking, it fell from my hand. Then my sister continued because I couldn’t do it anymore. Everybody understood my condition and started telling jokes just to make me feel comfortable. However, I got traumatized after this situation. I have that awful event on my mind, and just thinking of it my hands start shaking. It’s so embarrassing. Now, I can’t even serve when usual guests (like cousins, or aunts etc.) come to my house, because I can’t hold a cup. I’m very nervous. The issue is that I’m also getting married this summer and I’ve started getting really anxious, because in the first days all a bride has to do is wait for guests and serve them (to show how beautiful she is, and how well she serves!). I’ve never had such a problem before, it was the opposite, every time there was a gathering in my family my cousins would call me to help them, because I was the oldest child in my family and since age 8 or 9 I had to do this. Actually I enjoyed serving tea, because it shows that you come from a family with values and the girl is taught on how to keep a house. But, I can’t anymore and it’s really affecting my attitude and character in front of others.

I’ve always been sensitive. I get very anxious when presenting, but I’ve always tried to manage it. I can’t imagine doing that also, anymore. Whenever I know that I have to do smth that others have to watch me, I start shaking and get other bad feelings that don’t allow me to perform well.
I really need some advice or suggestions that could help me get out of this nightmare. It’s affecting my self-esteem and relationship with others.
Thank you,
Nora

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Anonymous

Hi Nora,

Welcome to EmpowHER. Not everyone does well in public or in front of others. Example: Some people are not good at public speaking because they are shy or get horrified when they know others are watching them. This might be your case, it's perfectly normal and you should not be so worried about it. It's best to let your family know how you feel and you do not wish to be put through this type of situation even thou it's a routine or a tradition.

Hope this was helpful?

Best,

Daisy

May 25, 2014 - 3:12pm